Data Gathering On Potential Lovers

He sounds like Robert Downey, Jr., no joke.  It surprised the heck out of me.  Fast talking, but totally distinct.  I sometimes have trouble with hearing people on the telephone, especially if I've been listening to music on my headphones for hours whilst writing.  But this guy's voice came in loud and clear.  He's a lovely Dom I met on alt.com.  We've been corresponding for months, and I finally thought what the hell and called him at quarter to midnight.  Whoops.  Make that quarter to 1 his time.  He is always up, though.  I wasn't worried about calling.  Besides, we'd chatted online for a while first when he told me to give him his number so he could phone.

As if.  I've not given my number to anyone, not even the man with whom I'm plotting a romantic assignation this fall.  No one phones me.  I phone them, and I always use *67 before doing so.  I asked him for his number.  Then I started to dial it, stopping after I entered the fifth digit.  I realized with a start that I'd failed to enter *67 first.  Sloppy.  Stupid.  I was relaxed from chatting with him, the hour was late, and I was eager to hear his voice for the first time.  Still, no excuse.

When he picked up, he made some quip which I failed to capture in my notes, but he made me laugh.  No...wait.  It was something to the effect of "Hello, Caller from a Blocked Number."  He then proceeded to entertain me for an hour and a quarter with a nonstop set of observations which frequently had me gasping for air from excessive laughter.  I said a few things too.  It was a lovely conversation, and I tried my best to match his witticisms, but I felt slightly inadequate compared to him, humour-wise.

He told me he'd been contacted by a woman who asked him to rape her.  I teased that his reputation preceded him.  He retorted that unfortunately, such requests were far too frequent.  I inquired whether she was responding to his Craigslist ad.  He admitted that she had contacted him based on his alt.com profile.  A BDSM site, alt attracts a number of women who like it rough.  My friend is a Dom who knows how to play rough.  He may well belong to some of the Rape groups.  It is all good fun.  Safe, sane, consensual rape.  I asked if he'd be going out with duct tape in hand to oblige the lady.  He grunted.  "Her photograph was not particularly appealing," he said.  He was working on a polite response, declining her gracious invitation.  "Should I just say she's not really my type?" he asked.  I giggled.  "As in, she's hideous?" he continued.  I laughed harder.  "Go work on that and see me in the future?" he queried.  I roared.  He sighed.  "I'll figure out something."

I know.  It doesn't sound that hilarious to you, most likely.  But there's something about the delivery.  His tone.  He cracks me up.  He's wry and world weary and smart as hell and as nice as can be.  I've chatted him so very much, and he is a smart *** and mock grumpy, but he is never arrogant or unkind.  I felt sure he would send the woman who wanted to be raped a nice note, explaining he was unable to accommodate her, but he hoped she would find someone soon.  Or something.  He's just not the sort of person to really cut down someone who was vulnerable. 

He is, however, prone to slice and dice anyone who irritates him with their pomposity or stupidity, their arrogance or incompetence.  I've seen some of the things he's written to others in his profession, people who are doing things poorly.  He slashes at them with his rapier wit, pointing out the flaws in their logic, the madness in their methodology, the crap in their code.  He is a master of the information universe, and he hands them their ***** in arguments.  It is fun to watch a super smart geek boy do his thang.

When he speaks of his friends, which he does often, talking of this woman or that man or some couple he knows, he does so with great affection.  It is clear he has many chums around the world, and he is fiercely loyal to them all, no matter how boneheaded some may be.  But he does not befriend just anyone.  I noted that his gmail chat had been red all day long, indicating his busy status.  The words at the bottom of his little chat window read "Adam is busy.  You may be interrupting."  He'd told me one time that was on there just to keep annoying people away.  He'd assured me I did not qualify, a fact which made me happy.  So on the rare occasions his chat thingy was red, I'd say hello anyway.  He commented that gmail should do a content analysis with a warning message, "Adam, you are being a ****" in case he was writing mean things.  He called it a **** check.  You know, like spell check or grammar check?  I cracked up again.

He's self aware, this guy.  He knows that he is not the easiest person in the world to get along with for many people.  I find his strong personality and sardonic humour to be utterly hilarious, but then again, I'm weird.  I like Tigger, but Eeyore makes me happy.  His gloom and doom just tickles my sense of the ridiculous.  I can't take the high energy of the bouncy one all the time.  I find Pooh and Piglet sort of vacuous, to be honest.  Owl is a little too academic for me.  But Eeyore?  Oh, yeah.  As my mum says, there's a cover for every kettle.

There's another man I know who reminds me of Adam.  He does not sound like Robert Downey, Jr.  His voice is fluid, mellow.  He is older.  He has not had nearly the depraved experiences Adam has.  I doubt he receives many invitations from women asking him to rape them.  But I wouldn't mind it if he tied me down and had at me.

I stalk him, you know.  That other man.  I really like him and I chat with him a lot and I've phoned him once and watched him *** on cam twice.  We began with a wonderful correspondence and I have high hopes we shall end playing out our fantasies in 3D.  I stalk him because I am curious about what sort of a person he is with others.  I know that Adam interacts with people in a certain way, and it influences how I regard him.  Well, for the record.  He is well regarded by me.  So is the other man.  I look for his recent activity on his profile, and I read the comments he writes, the things he says about what others have said or done.  He is a class act, that one.  He is not shy about sharing his opinion, but he is polite and kind.  I like that in a man.  Good manners are important when one is deciding whom one wishes to engage with in carnal activity.  He makes the cut easily.

Adam and I talked of many other things, and I struggled to keep from laughing to death.  I glanced at the time and realized we'd been on for over an hour.  "I should let you get to sleep," I said. 

"That means you wish to sleep," he responded. 

"Well, yes," I admitted.

"Goodnight, woman whose real name I do not know.  Feel free to phone me again anytime.  And someday, you will forget to block your number and I shall come hunt you down."

I giggled.  I should be so lucky.  Did I mention he sounds like Robert Downey, Jr.?  It would be fun to hear his voice in my ear, telling me he'd come to ravish me.
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
1 Response May 25, 2012

yes... slowly you turn... step by step... inch by inch.......

No kidding.