I Can't Stop.

I have been technically stalking someone since I was fifteen. She was fourteen.

I met her in a GSA (gay straight alliance) meeting durning lunch at school. After that day all I could think about most days was her. At the time, all I did was try to be her friend, to try and eventually become more. It didn't work out. Because I wasn't the best of kids, and in high school rumors go around like crazy.

She did forgive me once. But I mucked it up all with a drunk phone call. But I never stop calling till she changed her number. (I'll get to that.) So I would fallow her around at school and watch her from afar. The only time I even went to class was when it was the class with her. Still I was calling and left little tokens of my appreciation for her. Purple roses, purple pixy stix, Cd's of her favorite band. Anything and everything I knew she liked I tried to get for her. She didn't like it, and I didn't care.

One day after her friend had said something dirty to me and told me to stay the **** away I got drunk. And I hit her after school at the bus stop. She tackled me and to this day I can still remember what her hair smelt liked. After that she got a restraining order. So I got a disposable number that I blocked. I also got kicked out of that school, but I still called just to hear her voice.

Then Christmas night I wanted to hear her voice before I went to sleep. And she finally said something instead of just hanging up after I didn't reply.

"Your so ******* pathetic (my name) That you have no one to call on Christmas except the someone who hates you. You do nothing, your weak and your a coward." Then she hung up.

SO of course I had to go confront her but when I got to her house after walking six miles she wouldn't come down, or even look out her window. So I rang the doorbell and left my little present and threat. An hour later I claimed I had no idea how I got across town and had no idea what they were talking about. They believed me.

Then on January 15th she changed her number. So I walked through the school with some sunglasses and wearing something I usually wouldn't. Only she saw me. By the third time I had to comfront her. So I formulated a plan and got all spruced up. Right before I started screaming at her, I took a swig of vodka, so they think I was drunk of course. They did, said I wanted to kill myself, I didn't, but they believed me.

Still got sent to juvie, and I still sent her a letter. They didn't charge me because I lied and they had no real proof.

Then I got sent to rehab, cuz I said I did all sorts of drugs (another lie) and lied on the little mental health test.

Even from there with was over two hundred miles away. I tracked her myspace and her livejournal. But at the end of my stay I actually stopped.

I was home for a while, and behaving myself. But by accident I got caught walking by the highschool, and the officer knew me from before. She had saw me and I hadn't seen her so she reported it and I was arrested. But before they did this thing where she was in another cop car and drove by. When I saw her, my heart lept into my throat. I got lucky and got sent away with a citation.

But since then, I've started it again.

Found out where she moved. She still lives in town. Her mothers a cop it was so easy to find out. I also found out who she's been dating and so much more.  I plan on sending her flowers for her sixteenth birthday. And droping by with a mask on halloween just to see her.

If I get caught again, I have two years in jail hanging over my head. I want to stop, I need to stop.

But I can't stop.

DefineHumanity DefineHumanity
18-21, F
17 Responses Aug 25, 2008

I'm a stalker too. I've been obsessed with a guy I knew since I was 11 and am now 18. He found out I was stalking him and announced it to Twitter. Just stop. You and me can both do it. Some people in the world are always meant to be alone. You and I may be one of them and there may be nothing we can do about it.

Wow! This is some intricate ****.

Try moving to another state.if u move far enough away u won't be able to just go to her.write a letter telling her ur plans and tell her ur trying to stop.as here to delete her Facebook and create a new one.

TRUE love means caring so much about someone else that whatever THEY want is what YOU want for them -- even if that means that you have to LET THEM GO or leave them alone.<br />
<br />
The obsession that is stalking is NOT love. Rather, it's a potentially dangerous obsession that can -- and sometimes DOES -- eventually lead to violent confrontations where one or both parties are seriously injured or killed (often the stalker ends up injuring or killing the ob<x>ject of his or her obsession; sometimes the "stalkie" ends up having to kill the stalker in self defense).<br />
<br />
Left unchecked, this type of behavior will almost ALWAYS escalate into more serious, and criminal behavior, similar to the way kids who torture small animals often end up as psychopathic serial killers as adults. It's A MENTAL ILLNESS, and those of you who are stalkers need to SEEK SERIOUS PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT before you end up doing something you CAN'T undo!<br />
Jeff Hayes

You know what i think it is. I think your approachability to her just doesnt work. And you know what i think it is. I think its her. She is just mean and nasty. I cannot believe that there are actual people out there that are like that. I am in the same boat with you honey. just havent gotten caught or confronted by them. I know they know its me, but really i think you just want her to be your friend. and just for her to talk to you not like you are crazy or anything. <br />
<br />
I know its a slap in the face for all of us. But i guess that saying is right. If they dont like you, why should you like them. the ones you love dont love you, but the ones that you love, you dont love. maybe we just need to hit realization again, that at the end, they were never ours. we just need to learn how to move on, with or without telling them who we are. and or felt.

I'm in a very similar situation as yours. This past summer I contacted an acquaintance to the tune of 1000 times, i didnt really even know the person but it didnt matter because i thought i loved them. I also sent them gifts like purple hearts and things. purple is a good color! Anyway, they would only answer their cellphone a few times but it was enough to hear their voice, which was all I wanted. I eventually disclosed my identity and they got really upset and said that i was stalking them and threatened to call the police if i didn't stop. Their parents told me to stop also. i stopped for a month after that but couldn't handle it and the obsession was too great by then, so i kept contacting them. i would walk to their house in the middle of the night 12 miles away, not kidding, and it would rain outside but i didn't care. i never rang the bell but i heard their dog bark and i sat on their lawn at 3 am. i used to drive by their house everyday but they saw me one time and threatened to arrest on harrassment charges, but i'm seeking therapy now so they didn't. I would advise you to try and stop before it gets worse, because these things just build & build and they don't go away easily. you need to make a conscious effort, and i know how hard that is. believe me. i hope you get better soon, maybe try therapy or just other things that cut them out of your life. stalking can get pretty bad, you have to realize you're hurting the other person even though it seems like their the one hurting you. you have to try and see it that way even though it's really hard. <3.

thats way more agressive than anything i've done. but maybe i could evolve into doing things like that, if i dont control myself now. i like the drunk phone call though, i sent drunk emails.

wtf? its a disease and can destroy two lives, its not something neat

i think its neat, i like stalkers myself

I know it wasnt love. It was obsession. I understand perfectly what it is and what I did to her. I don't expect anything anymore, but it dosent change the fact that no matter what changes, I will continue to remember her from time to time.

I agree with Itinerant. It must be really hard for you and there's really nothing I can say. Try to get help. Best of luck.

Girl, why are you making her hate you? Your stalking is driving her away evenmore each time. Whats the point? You are somuch better finding someone who wants you around 24/7 than someone who wants you behind bars. Get some help. You arent just a stalker,you are turning into a compulsive liar as well. Take care.

that's really hard. Nobody expressing an opinion is going to magickly make that better.

i have no clue what is so cute about stalking but if you love somebody that much to be on them 24/7 like that i admire you XD rofl<br />
but seriously O.O<br />
i know its a serious problem O.O<br />
but idk how to help you T-T

Awww you must really love her =3 But sometimes you dont wanna scare her right? =] Im sure one day you will find someone who loves you so dont follow this girl theres a lot of trees out there for you ^^ gtg bye

Awww you must really love her =3 But sometimes you dont wanna scare her right? =] Im sure one day you will find someone who loves you so dont follow this girl theres a lot of trees out there for you ^^ gtg bye

You need to tell someone you have a problem instead of ust denying it all the time, only then can someone help you, and you do need help. I hope you get the help and support you need