I Can't Stop.
I have been technically stalking someone since I was fifteen. She was fourteen.
I met her in a GSA (gay straight alliance) meeting durning lunch at school. After that day all I could think about most days was her. At the time, all I did was try to be her friend, to try and eventually become more. It didn't work out. Because I wasn't the best of kids, and in high school rumors go around like crazy.
She did forgive me once. But I mucked it up all with a drunk phone call. But I never stop calling till she changed her number. (I'll get to that.) So I would fallow her around at school and watch her from afar. The only time I even went to class was when it was the class with her. Still I was calling and left little tokens of my appreciation for her. Purple roses, purple pixy stix, Cd's of her favorite band. Anything and everything I knew she liked I tried to get for her. She didn't like it, and I didn't care.
One day after her friend had said something dirty to me and told me to stay the **** away I got drunk. And I hit her after school at the bus stop. She tackled me and to this day I can still remember what her hair smelt liked. After that she got a restraining order. So I got a disposable number that I blocked. I also got kicked out of that school, but I still called just to hear her voice.
Then Christmas night I wanted to hear her voice before I went to sleep. And she finally said something instead of just hanging up after I didn't reply.
"Your so ******* pathetic (my name) That you have no one to call on Christmas except the someone who hates you. You do nothing, your weak and your a coward." Then she hung up.
SO of course I had to go confront her but when I got to her house after walking six miles she wouldn't come down, or even look out her window. So I rang the doorbell and left my little present and threat. An hour later I claimed I had no idea how I got across town and had no idea what they were talking about. They believed me.
Then on January 15th she changed her number. So I walked through the school with some sunglasses and wearing something I usually wouldn't. Only she saw me. By the third time I had to comfront her. So I formulated a plan and got all spruced up. Right before I started screaming at her, I took a swig of vodka, so they think I was drunk of course. They did, said I wanted to kill myself, I didn't, but they believed me.
Still got sent to juvie, and I still sent her a letter. They didn't charge me because I lied and they had no real proof.
Then I got sent to rehab, cuz I said I did all sorts of drugs (another lie) and lied on the little mental health test.
Even from there with was over two hundred miles away. I tracked her myspace and her livejournal. But at the end of my stay I actually stopped.
I was home for a while, and behaving myself. But by accident I got caught walking by the highschool, and the officer knew me from before. She had saw me and I hadn't seen her so she reported it and I was arrested. But before they did this thing where she was in another cop car and drove by. When I saw her, my heart lept into my throat. I got lucky and got sent away with a citation.
But since then, I've started it again.
Found out where she moved. She still lives in town. Her mothers a cop it was so easy to find out. I also found out who she's been dating and so much more. I plan on sending her flowers for her sixteenth birthday. And droping by with a mask on halloween just to see her.
If I get caught again, I have two years in jail hanging over my head. I want to stop, I need to stop.
But I can't stop.