High School Obsession :(
Ugh, this is just terrible. It all started last year, in Freshman year, when I met this boy. I was instantly attracted to him, and would often sneak peeks at him in class and admire him. He was, and still is, perfect. I am jealous of him, every waking second of my life is spent thinking about him and his perfection. He participates in a sport, he is always on top of his work, his clothes are immaculate, his family is perfect, his social status is outstanding, and countless other things. I spend so much time trying to find flaws in him, to try and make myself feel better. Attempts were made to become friends with him, but I utterly failed. The only communication between us is done through random texts. I want to be with him, but yet I also want to avoid him at all costs. I am extremely shy around him, and can never look at him in the eyes or talk to him verbally. I try and avoid being around him, switching routes to classes and seats to be as far away as possible. When I am around him I cannot stop looking at him.
A few weeks ago I found myself going through interenet sites looking for information about his life and his family. I contacted people who got me all types of info about him, and his family. I concocted plans to hurt him, to damage him so he won't be as perfect. I don't know what to do anymore, I tried to be friends with him and I can't be and now I am trying to hurt him. But I don't really want to, but yet I do :(
I haven't done anything yet, but if I had the chance to do something totally anonymously I would take it. What do I do to stop this? It has stopped me from taking specific sports, I can't be myself around him, when he is around it's like I am a totally different person. Ugh, so many feelings that are confusing me.
What should I do?