High School Obsession :(

Ugh, this is just terrible. It all started last year, in Freshman year, when I met this boy. I was instantly attracted to him, and would often sneak peeks at him in class and admire him. He was, and still is, perfect. I am jealous of him, every waking second of my life is spent thinking about him and his perfection. He participates in a sport, he is always on top of his work, his clothes are immaculate, his family is perfect, his social status is outstanding, and countless other things. I spend so much time trying to find flaws in him, to try and make myself feel better. Attempts were made to become friends with him, but I utterly failed. The only communication between us is done through random texts. I want to be with him, but yet I also want to avoid him at all costs. I am extremely shy around him, and can never look at him in the eyes or talk to him verbally. I try and avoid being around him, switching routes to classes and seats to be as far away as possible. When I am around him I cannot stop looking at him.

A few weeks ago I found myself going through interenet sites looking for information about his life and his family. I contacted people who got me all types of info about him, and his family. I concocted plans to hurt him, to damage him so he won't be as perfect. I don't know what to do anymore, I tried to be friends with him and I can't be and now I am trying to hurt him. But I don't really want to, but yet I do :(

I haven't done anything yet, but if I had the chance to do something totally anonymously I would take it. What do I do to stop this? It has stopped me from taking specific sports, I can't be myself around him, when he is around it's like I am a totally different person. Ugh, so many feelings that are confusing me.

What should I do?

DeepRimor DeepRimor
18-21, M
4 Responses Feb 11, 2010

my experience is damn similar to yours.

it will pass in time. don't do anything to hurt him because then when you're over him you'll have to live with what you did for the rest of your life. you don't want that. i'd suggest talking to someone about it. the thoughts to hurt him, tell yourself he's only temporarily perfect to you. it's just an infactuation. replace the thought with something less harmful. i hope it all goes okay for you

Sorry to burst your bubble honey but nobody is perfect. This person only seems perfect because you have created your own reality around the physical being. I have felt like you about a couple of people in my life. like my husband. They all belch fart and scratch their balls. this is only cute for a while it wears off. believe me.

do you have a school counsellor or can you make an appt with a psychologist? <br />
<br />
why does his apparent perfection bother you or why do you want him to be less perfect? and do you recognise that his life will also be full of all the ups and downs and irregularities of everyone else's and he is not actually perfect, just perfectly imperfect along with the rest of us?<br />
<br />
when you are feeling jealous, can you instead work on some of your own strengths to bring feelings of happiness and success in your own life and bring the focus back to you instead? <br />
<br />
how do you feel if you don't give into the urge to check up on him? if you feel panicked, can you distract yourself with exercise or meditation?