Just Realized What Im Doing

Well i just recentley cam across this webiste. so let me just stard from the beguinnin.  I was dating this guy for three months.  When we broke up we decided to try being friends becasue the only reason we broke up was because we really had nothing in common as boyfriends. we tryied to be friends for about 9 moths but we argues constantly and he was constatly annoying the crap out of me and i was doin the same to him.  the funny thing was was that he didt really treat me like a friend and he was always acting like i wasnt worthing of being his friend and he would put me down in ways that were not obviouse and somtimes i even wondered if he realized how he treated me and the things he said to me.  IT was almost like i was trying to be one of his friends but no matter what i did he always made me feel like i was never equal to his other friends.  Now you would think that if somone treated me this way that i would just stop talking to them but i couldnt.  DONT ASK ME WHY because i really dont know i talked to a person that treated me the way he did.  One day I told him to block me from everythin.  Facebook, Myspace, AIM, ...everything that allowed me to keep in conact with him.  ANd thats what he did. but the only thing he wasnt able to block me from was his phone. So i was always calling him and texting him and sending him email.  it was a REDICULOUSE amounts of attempts to get in touch with him.  and then i droped to an all time low when i decided to call his job in hopes he would talk to me but when he ansswered the phione and he realized it was me he hung up.  Then i also drove by his house JUST to see if he was home and when i realized he was i just went home.  HE never knew that i drove past his house.  But today a friend told me that im a stalker so i decided tol look ut the definition of a "stalker" and i was doing a lot of the things the mentioned.  everything from the texting, the calling, i drove past his house ONCE, i emailed him, i checked on his onlie profiles to see what he was doing.  but i feel horrible today because i dont like the word STALKER and it makes me feel like **** and after today i decided to to do any of the things i have been doing.  I dont want him to tell all hes best friends how he has a stalker EX and i dont want him making fun of me anymore with people.  I just want tl let anybody whos reading this know that you are not alone and that BELIVE ME.....doing what i did was NOOOT WORTH IT DONT LET ANY GUY OR GIRL CONTROLL YOUR FEELINGS.  I HAVE REALIZED THAT MY EX WAS AN *** AND I SHOULDT WANNA BE WITH A GUY THATS AN ***. IF YOU FEEL LIKE HE/SHE WAS THE CENTOER OF YOUR WORLD YOU ARE WRONG.  IT JUST WANST MEAN TO BE AND YOU WILL FIND THAT PERSON THATS IS GOING TO TREAT YOU RIGHT. YOU MAY FEEL LIKE U WILL NEVER FIND SOMONE THAT WILL ALOW YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY YOUR EX DID BUT YOU WILL.

bearcharlie bearcharlie
18-21, M
Feb 27, 2010