I'm Trapped In His Crystal Ball

So, I'm no different than anyone else. I've got my story. Had some really amazing accomplishments in life and struggled with the obstacles that are uniquely my own.

The last three years of my life have been consumed by a man so obsessed with destroying me, that he's blinded to the fact that he is destroying himself in the process. Of course he's the victim. All the consequences of his choice to continue this obsession and not seek help are caused by me (at least in his mind). I'm the one doing this to him.

Of course my being a professional dominatrix makes it okay right? The fact that I'm a well educated, tax paying, contributing part of society is irrelevant right? That I operate my business with full disclosure within the guidelines of the law doesn't matter either right? It doesn't matter that I'm not into drugs or crime, or that I practice a moral code of living does it? Because what I do to survive makes me a bad person, who deserves whats happening to me. At least in his mind all those things are true, and justify his commitment to make me lose everything I've ever loved and worked for.

Over 3 years of stalking and harassment, mostly via the internet, I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Restraining orders have no influence over his actions. Other than keeping him from coming to my property, calling me on the phone or emailing me directly. In fact his sense of power seems to be fueled by the game of developing indirect methods, such as using the court system by filing restraining orders on me and my friends for doing any number of fabricated charges. He's dragged me into court 3 times fighting the restraining order that I have on him with no avail, other than he gets to sit there and look at me while I try and hide the fear of being in the same building with this predator.

He's created hundreds of sock puppet profiles on various websites where I promote my business, to character assassinate me in chat rooms, as well as mailing out hard copies of creepy letters typed on an old fashioned typewriter to myself, my neighbors, friends and their family members. Disclosing privet personal information and photos of distasteful content, reporting me to the IRS, Fire Marshal and Health Dpt as well as the police department for drugs and illegal guns. When the authorities wouldn't respond he wrote one of our state senators demanding they do something about me. To my dismay the list of methods that he has employed against me has been amazingly creative and devastating.

This guy has gone as far as making profiles using the photos of abducted children, claiming that I have "snuffed" them. Posting my legal name, address and phone number on the front. He creates adds using photos of mine, because I'm a professional fetish model and am featured on numerous websites. Created email addresses to look like they are mine and leads clientele to believe that they are negotiating with me. Then agrees that I will provide sexual services and other insane dangerous activities for a fee, trying to get me arrested, or to just destroy my business by telling clients to buy drugs and bring it to home address in lew of payment for a session.

He pursued me via my place of employment to the point of creating a situation were I was forced to accept an early retirement package or get fired. Calling my house, and friends from a blocked number. Then using a voice distorter machine, saying all sorts of creepy threats. He states our addresses, describes homes and even which is the bedroom window. Then tells them that if they don't stay completely away from me and stop supporting me he will destroy them too. Then he follows through if they don't comply.

I looked out my window one morning and found my satellite dish folded in half. Another time I found a hand sewn talisman laying on the ground by the drivers door of my car. It was oddly filled with pebbles  broken glass, a cigarette butt, rusty bottle cap, some twigs. I thought it may of been something that belonged to a friend of mine who is native american and a member of the tribe. So I set it on the windowsill in my kitchen to ask her if it was hers. About a month past and I received one of those weird calls with the distorted voice. He stated "I see you found the gift I left for you." When I demanded he tell me who he was and what he was talking about he replied "you have it sitting on your windowsill. It was nice to walk around your yard and pick up all the little bits and pieces of your broken pathetic little life". Scared the **** out of me!

It's probably not to comforting to know that he's a lead mechanic for a major airline. One wonders how he's managed to fly under the radar to keep his security clearance being so nutty. In any case, I've got a good female lawyer and now the sheriffs dpt has assigned me with a good female investigator too.  For the first time since I went to the authorities I feel validated, that I have a right to be safe and free from harassment.

Unfortunately, there's a long road ahead. He's the unmarried only child of a wealthy widow and he has no children. I think it's reasonable to assume that his mother will provide all the funds necessary to get him the best legal representation. He probably won't spend much time behind bars before being bailed out. So, I guess it's realistic to assume that probation and possibly court ordered counseling will be the end result. There is a good chance he will lose his security clearance and potentially lose his job once he is arrested. That's incredibly scary for me. Since he gets a great deal of self esteem from his job. I could see him going off the deep end and attempting to kill me. So I'm looking at having to sell my family farm and all my horses to relocate under a new identity. My finances have been so devastated by all this, that I will be lucky if I can pull together much capital to start fresh somewhere else. Since the drop in property values, most the equity in my property has disappeared.

I don't even know were to start to tear down my life here and rebuild a new life somewhere else. I feel like a sitting duck. I've become so alone and isolated as a result of all this. My neighbors don't stop by anymore. Friends keep me at arms length at best. I'm too paranoid to leave my house and go out in public. 

That's my life as a result of stalking......
hiscrystleball hiscrystleball
51-55, F
7 Responses Jan 11, 2013

Hang in there praise da lord!!!

The scary thing is that this sounds a bit too familiar. I know someone who is in a similar situation. The guy stalking her tries to come after me too to get information about her. But I'm not giving it up to him. I've heard that the guy claims to work for an airline as well. At least she may not have to worry as much because I've drawn his fire.

This is so hard to go through. Thank you for sharing. The seemingly never-endingness is destroying me. I don't recognize myself anymore and hate how much he has robbed me of health, peace, my very personality. I jump and want to cry over everything. My job performance has suffered adding to my anxiety. My children have lost their mom and instead have a nervous, bags-under-the-eyes, depressed, monotone and undemonstrative Being n her place. I try to focus on other things, to heal and appreciate beauty rather than him & this Reign of Terror, but he goes to court soon for Unlawful Entry & the stalking charges are still being investigated, so it is hard not to become stuck in this place where you almost have to remain focused on it. The worst thing is knowing what malevolent satisfaction he is or would have if he knew he was succeeding at hurting me, and even better, making me appear to be what he is surly telling people I am: crazy, addicted to drama, psycho... I poured myself out for a monster and, as always, it isn't enough. He needs to consume and destroy me as if doing so proves to his own mind that it is my loss and not his: "I wasn't hurt by her at all, because who misses or gets hurt by an object of such disdain? A worthless, crazy, psycho, addicted-to-drama chic!"

I pray I am strong enough not to prove him right and that I can come back to life someday soon....

Thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me. I have found other women who are dealing with this crap from my stalker as well. If you would like to email me directly I can give you some suggestions as to what might help you. I have been in contact with some of the other women and we support each other in various ways. It's good to be able to share with other women who know that which you speak of. Anyone who would like to contact me in relation to this please email me at mistressgwenfreestorm@yahoo.com.

Since I posted this the investigator with the sheriffs dpt submitted her report to the DA's office. It's been better than a month and I still haven't had anyone assigned to handle the prosecution. I don't even know if they will prosecute. I've been sitting on the edge of my chair, as they investigate me. My business has been completely shut down as a result of all this. I actually feel that the law enforcement system is furthering the abuse perpetrated by this man. Because the only answer I get when I call to check on things is that it's too low on their list of priorities.

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I am going through the same feelings and my situation is very close to the same. In fact I was wondering if it was the same person. I am afraid to go any where. I have cut myself off completely from any people that knew both of us and the people that are still in my life think I'm stupid for ever getting involved with him in the first place. My daughter told me I brought an evil demon into our lives. There really isn't anybody that is willing to listen and I feel suffocated. I feel like I can't trust myself or any decisions I make in my life. I do want to move, but I agreed to stay here for another 2 years. By then my daughter will have graduated from college and my son will have time to decide where he wants to go. But the restraining order will be up next January and there is no doubt in my mind that the minute it is up he will come knocking on my door. I know that he is still watching me and there is somebody that knows me that tells him what is going on with my life. He knew about me losing my job, my son has seen him driving by our house and he called one of my friends trying to get information about me. Its the fact that I know he will confront me again that is just about driving me insane. When he called my friend, which was only a month ago, I have fallen back into having anxiety attacks, bad dreams and I can not stop thinking about what he is going to do next. My self confidence is completely shot and I am so tired. I am so tired of being depressed, of being alone, not feeling confident enough to go out and will I ever have people in my life again? Can I trust myself to find new people to have in my life again? I don't know where to turn. I don't know how to get help. I don't even think I have a right to ask for help. What gives any person the right to just come in and destroy your life, tell lies to everybody he can and forces you to move from your home? The guilt I feel for bringing this person into our lives is so hard to live with. Its like he is always on my mind and I can never get away from him. Even after I do move I know I'm still going to worry about him finding me. I'm even considering the idea of getting a conceal and carry permit. OMG I just want to breathe again!!

thank you for sharing your story. its a very disturbing portrayal of how stalking can devastate your life. we are uk based but are documentary could extend to the US. If you are interested in talking more, please get in touch: eamonn@triplevision.co.uk

Thank you, I would be happy to chat with you about my experience if you think it may help. What I hope it that others can benefit from hearing my story.

Wow! That's just terrible!
I wish the law would catch up to this nutter, and lock him up!

At some point I believe he will get caught in his own web of lies. For me however, the damage has been done. I'll never have a normal life in what I once thought of as my home. The image of me created within my community will always be influenced by the things that have been said. At best I can hope to survive this and find a place free from more of the same in the future. Until then I guess I'll have to try to keep my wits about me and not make foolish choices out of desperation.