Hopeless And Never Ending: A Story Of Stalking And Sexual Assault.

Almost 4 years ago I was reunited with a childhood friend of mine, she seemed to be doing fairly well, she had been married for about a year to a man she was with for quite some time, he was in college obtaining his degree in law enforcement, she was working part time at a near by gas station. We started talking more frequently on the phone, text, & even arranged for a dinner date at my house a few times. As I began to work less hours, I couldn't afford child care any longer & my friend offered to watch my daughter for free of charge. Everything was working out fine & we were all good friends including my boyfriend of the time. Eventually my friend started working more and wasn't as able to watch my daughter & I found another sitter altho we still kept in contact just as much attending parties & so on all the same.
Everything was going fine until things between my friend & her husband went south. They had been having a lot of problems within their marriage regarding a child he had concieved during their relationship with another woman & also various other things circling this kinda issue.During that time, my friend would call me & talk things through with me, often crying on the phonne for hours, Soon after she had told me about their problems, her husband had text me, obtaining my number from his wife's contacts in her phone. I thought it was a little weird but certainly didn't over think the situation at the time. He started texting me his side of their problems & said that he too wanted someone to talk to about the matter & that hopefully I can give him an outsider's perspective. About a month or so into their big blow out, my boyfriend & I started having issues & due to physical abuse & what not on his part, we decided to seperate.
One afternoon, I got a call from my friend telling me all about this arguement that they were having about her husband visiting his child but the baby's mom always being there and how she was really uncomfortable with the situation and that she felt there was something more to it then what he was saying. I listened, listened, listened.... but before I knew it, I was getting texts from her husband at the same time. I always remained neutral on everything, I think most of the time, I was their route for venting or something. Never the less, after 5 hours of calls & so on from my friend, her husband then asked if he could call. I honestly didn't feel comfortable with the idea, texting doesn't seem as personal to me. I don't know why but never the less, after getting 5,000 text messages I finally agreed to let him call.
He spoke to me for about two hours & was talking about issues & their arguements & so on. I didn't really pay attention much because honestly at that point, my ears were fried & I had things of my own I had to do so I was kinda multi-tasking. Near the end of the conversation he told me how nice it was to have someone talk to him and listen to what he had to say & that he felt like his wife never did that & that she just never cared to take interest in what he said. That kinda left me feeling guilty at the time because I really didn't say anything & I wasn't really paying attention at all. I thought it was ironic but didn't think too much of it again. I hung up the phone & went on with my night.
Two days later, I got a phone call at 7am from my friend's husband, I will call him Ray (name change). I was kinda half asleep in a daze when I picked up the phone. Ray staRted rambling on about this arguement he had with my friend, his wife, we will call Donna (name change as well). I didn't really understand any of it with my half asleep state of mind but after a while I realized he was asking me if he could come over and talk. I didn't think it was a good idea & explained that it was kinda inappropriet. He then went on to say he just really needed to talk to someone about everything that has been going on. I explained that we have phones & emails. He then says, well, I left my house alread & I will be at yours in like 5 mins if that. Ray lived a good 45 mins away from me with his wife Donna. Startled at what he was telling me, I felt kinda railroaded, I told him my daughter was sleeping and that I didn't want to wake her. He said he would be over in a few mins and we could talk & she wouldn't even know he was there.
I quickly got dressed and moments later there was a knock at my back door. I opened it & walked to the livingroom & Ray followed. He took a seat on my love seat & I sat across the livingroom on the larger sofa & covered up with a blanket as I was freezing despite my fleece sweat pants & matching hoodie. He looked at me oddly then came & sat next to me on the couch. I scooted over to give some more space between us & then asked him what exactly he wanted to talk about. He told me he was cold & told him there was a blanket on the other couch he could use if he insisted. Instead, he got closer to me and said "why when we can share?" I scooted all the way over to the other end & removed the blanket off of my legs. At that point he got up & leaned over me keeping one leg bent on the couch beside me & the other planted straight & firmly on the ground in front of me. he tried kissing me and I turned my head, pushing him away. When he couldn't get my lips, he started kissing my neck & so on. I couldn't get him off of me & I kept telling him no. He kept mumbled "you know you want it just as bad as I do" I again trying to push him off said no, Ray. Thinking of my daughter & the fact that she was just feet away, I asked him if we could go to my room. He said "no" finally after begging he agreed but told me I better go straight to my room. I did. He began touching me & trying to pull my pants down, I held onto the both sides of my pants with closed fist & remember feeling the fabric slip between my fingers as he pulled. I stared at the wall for what seemed like an eternity before it was over. When he was done, he got up & complained about my hair getting on him & how he is so thankful he always comes prepared. I thought it was an interesting statement at the time. Before he left he told me not to tell anyone & that he would call me or text later.
As soon as he was gone, I called my previously seperated boyfriend & told him what happened, he told me to drive to his house.
The next days following I stayed with my ex. When I returned home, things began to get really weird. I started getting calls & text from Ray, I told him I wished to have no further contact with him. He didn't stop tho, they kept coming. Getting annoyed, I just let all my calls go to voicemail. 2 days after I had returned home, I got a text early morning/late aftenoon from Ron saying he was coming over, I told him I had to go to work & that wouldn't be possible. (I normally didn't start work until evening as I worked nights) He thought that was peculiar & called my bluff. I got ahold of my boyfriend & he told me to leave the house. I went to go to the back door & to my surprise, there was Ray, already at my house despite my resistance & answer of no. I panicked I didn't know what to do, he walked in my house & acted like he owned it or something. I explained I was called into work early and needed to go. He seemed angry & in disbelief. Never the less, I got out of the house, locked the door & started my car up only to realize that he was clearly going to follow me all the way to work which is an hour drive. I remember crying my eyes out & balling hysterically so terrified. I got to work, nearly 5 hours early & was finally able to relax.
Following that incident, I had text Ray & told him that I never want him to show up at my house again like that & I never want to be followed again & for him to stop calling, texting, etc. He reacted oddly, almost like someone would if they had just been told that by their girlfriend. The next few weeks I had seen him drive by my house often, wait outside my drive way, watch from the nearby abandon houses that were up for sale, he would park behind the houses and creep behind the bushes or what have you. It became a common occurance to see him when I looked out my window or walked outside my door. On a few occassions I was followed again. Finally in extreme fear & exhaustion as I was not sleeping or anything, I called my friend Donna & told her everything. She didn't believe me & after calling her husband, she believed that we had been in a relationship & that I wanted everything but just got afraid or something. I'm not sure. She was very irate with the situation. Mainly at me. I told her that if Ray didn't stop showing up at my house that I was going to call the police.
Soon after, everything stopped. I still slept with a gun, didn't leave the house unless I had to, & looked over my shoulder but it stopped. It was a while before I regained my sense of comfort & peace.
3 years later on October 12, 2012 I got a call early in the morning from a restricted number, the caller instantly asked me what color panties I have on & went into this sexual fantasy. Not knowing who it was or what have you, I hung up the phone & laid back down. Instantly the phone rang again, restricted. I didn't answer it, ringing a 3rd time, I didn't answer. on the 4th ring, I picked up & the caller went into his fantasy again telling me that he thinks of my white pu**y everyday & that he wants me so bad, he just loves the way I look, the way I smell, the way I tastes. He went on to say that he has been watching me in the mornings, he watches nearby. I frantically hung up the phone & woke my husband up, I told him about the calls and said if they call again you answer. Before I even finished my sentence, the phone rang. My husband picked it up & he just listened as the caller went on almost without a hitch. Finally my husband screamed in the phone & hung up. That day, I got 43 calls in roughly one hour. Thinking & hoping it was a one day thing my husband & I tried to brush it off as we had a lot to do the upcoming weekend.
October 14, 2012, 5am, I got another phone call from a restricted number, the same guy, again with the sexual fantasies etc. I called the police from my husband's phone with hopes they would get there before the calls ended. That day the caller said he was obsessed with me and couldn't stop thinking of me, that i was his drug & no other woman could compair.
The calls continued only getting more violent in nature as each one came in. The police were at a loss, it's hard to prove they said. My gut instinct told me it was Ray, the voice, the persistance. Everything just seemed like him. They told me I would have to be able to prove it with evidence. Despite how many calls, the police just couldn't seem to do anything. I ended up paying for a service called trapcall, it records the calls & unmasks the phone numbers on restricted calls. With a number, the cops finally had a start. They started questioning Ray, supeneaed the phone number etc. Despite everything, the calls kept coming. The investigator began to question if I had the right person. Ray wasn't being cooperative & they were at a loss. The calls continued to pour in, each time the caller got more bold & seem to give up a little more. As things progressed the caller started describing people & so on that I had spoke with throughout my day. Making me realize he was watching me. I didn't know from where, I never saw anyone. The police asked me to play along with the caller, see if he will meet me or what have you. He never fell for it.
Finally, I got what I thought was a break, a call from the mysterious caller that was different then every other call. This time, he didn't go into sexual fantasies, he called & said I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you mommy. Shocked I played along in hopes I would get something. He then began to just talk things through, I started asking questions etc & he would half *** answer them. Finally I was able to get out of him that he was black & married to a white woman. (Ray was black & Donna was white.) I asked him how his wife was & he said she was well but things between them have been not good because he can't stop thinking of me. As the call went on, I asked him if he was Ray, he said he doesn't know a Ray but begin to ask me questions about Ray like if i liked him, if i would **** him, if i thought he was a cute guy etc. When I said no he then said "Well why would you tell me no, I mean Ray no after we were intimate together?" When I wasn't telling him what he wanted to hear, he came annoyed, I heard him put a movie in that was clearly pornographic & he then clicked back into his sexual fantasy mode. I told him I knew he was Ray. He said, I'm not Ray then continued on. I told him that he disgusted me & that I knew it was him, nobody else knew about that night & that a stranger wouldn't ask so many questions about someone they supposedly don't know. he became furious & said "I like it when you tell me no, I think no is sexy. It turns me on" I hung up on him. He kept calling back & I would answer only to tell him to stop calling & that I would take it to the police. Perhaps he got cocky because he felt he was untouchable or something i don't know. After that, I got another call, when I answered, he told me that he knew where I lived & that he was going to shove a sock down my throat & **** me while he forced my husband to watch as he struggled against the ropes he would be tied up with.
Similar calls continued up until I was finally able to obtain an order of protection. Once that was served, all the calls stopped. A week or so after I obtained an order of protection exparte, I recieved a letter in the mail saying that Ray was appealing the order & court was set for a month & a half later. We went to court, hearing lasted like an hour and a half. He claimed to never have my number, never call etc. After calling my husband on the stand & him telling the judge about the incident 3 years prior the judge was shocked as I had never told anyone at that time, the judge called my friend Donna, she finally came forward with a supposed affair between Ray & I & then asked if I was raped how come I didn't go to the police. Till that point, nobody said the word rape & that was when the judge knew I was telling the truth, he screamed at Ray about lying under oath & so on. I won the hearing, the order of protection stays in effect for 2 years. He can still appeal it again tho.
I recently got a call from the investigator saying that he was able to track down the phone number, the lady who contracted the phone said the on that particular line was her brothers. When they spoke to her brother, he said he did not know me or Ray and wished to speak to a lawyer. So far, nothing has come of it. The prosecutor, judge, & investigating officer have tried to persuade me into persuing rape charges but I have declined. I don't want this to effect me anymore & I don't ever want to have to endure another hearing. It was horrible.
Now, I am feel like I'm losing my mind, I don't feel like I can function properly. My dreams & thoughts are forever with this situation, I can't seem to stop trying to put it together. Everytime my dogs bark I think Ray is outside again or near. I always feel like I am being watched but I just never see anything. I stopped sleeping at night because I fear someone will get in without me knowing. I've added multiple locks to my doors & essentially, I can't seem to deal with what once was everyday life. That stress from just what use to be normal is now too much or untolerable. It's effecting my marriage, my family, just everything & I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like nobody understands. My dad always says it was just a bad joke & use to call me pretending to be Ray. Despite the fact that my family knows about the situation, they never ask how I am or anything of the sort. I feel like my husband doesn't get it either. I just feel so alone & feel like maybe I should be alone so I can deal with this or until I can learn to live or be me again. I just don't know. I feel trapped in a world of torment & I feel tauntalized by Ray as he seems to avaide the police everytime. Each piece we get, leads to a dead end. I just don't see how this will ever be over. I feel like it is just a matter of time before something else happens. Maybe not till after this order or protection seeing how he went 3 years before. Never the less, just a matter of time...
MrsBellinger MrsBellinger
Jan 15, 2013