Starseed At The End Of His Rope

All my life I felt I dont really belong here. I never really understood why people behave and reason the way they do, and why society operates the way it does. I saw insanity and inconsistencies left and right and could not understand how it can exist. I started to research at an early age for answers, and after a few years of learning and search I got some answers. I was fascinated with sci-fi, free energy, remote veiwing, lucid dreaming, and was looking up at the stars, longing for them. It was very hard to me to fit in society, but somehow I went trough the schools, have some friends, got a job and worked for several years. I always felt that something is wrong, that somehow I'am different. I could not relate to people. I could not really define what was off, only in terms that this is not a world that I belong to, that inside I am diffrent than "humans". I was able to function in society but never felt at ease or at home. I was the happiest when I was alone not disturbed by anyone. I somehow dispised humans and also hated myself for hating them. I tryed to awaken people, but almost noone listened. I felt people are complacient, ignorant, and stupid. They could not understand spirituality, only saw it as a weakness. A few years ago I realized I'am a starseed, I cryed from this realization I instantly knew its true. I suddenly understood everything. Altough this realization broght me ease and understanding, it aslo started slowly alienateing me from society. Bit by bit I was losing the willingness to fit in and cooperate with mainstream society. I lost almost all of my friends, as I didnt want to conform to their beliefs and ways any longer. I was waiting for a change in society but it never came. Than I lost my job, but still had some savings from years of working. I lived off these savings, but could not force myself to find another job, and to "go back to society" where I felt I did not belong. At 32 years of age I live in Hungary the poorest country in Europe. Without my friends and contacts and without hard motivation and vision it would be almost impossible to find a job. I'am tired. I never sliped into any addiction tough. The goverment would not help me anyway, after 7 years of constant work they only given me "job searching money" for 3 months 120 dol/ month. In less than a month I will run out of money, and will be homeless. Given the sensitive nature I have I will not survive on the streets for long I will probably be dead in a few months. It is so sad, But I will stand my ground till it ends and will not kill myself only if I will feel intense phisical pain. Even if I die, I will go HOME finally. Dont do the mistake I did, you should force yourself to be in society and work and earn money, even if you hate it, otherwise you will and up on the streets like I will. Its a very sad fate for a starseed.
Adrian32 Adrian32
31-35
6 Responses Jan 7, 2013

i have just read this message posted more than 3 years ago, hey are you still with Us? i hope so

I recommend you take an online test to determine your personality type, Myers-Briggs (MBTI). It won't help you to solve your dilemma, but it might help you understand yourself better and not feel quite so isolated and alone among people. There are others like you, but you may be in a minority personality type that would give you that "I don't quite fit in with these other humans." feeling. There are groups on EP for the different personality tyes. Really, you might gain some insight and meet some people who feel similarly. Good luck.

Your only end up on the street if that was the life you chose to live before seeding here, so don't concentrate on the negative think what positivity you can get from your situation and concentrate all your energy into that and your situation WILL GET BETTER.
Fitting in with society is hard for all of us, because its in our nature to swim against the currents of society, we are all here on mission to change what is wrong with human society that's why sometimes we feel animosity towards humans, but we need to remember that human souls are very young treat them like you would a toddler be patient and try to explain thing slowly and In detail.

"we are all here on mission to change what is wrong with human society"

What is wrong with human society? Wrong is only from the perspective of 'starseeds' who want to change humanity into something the 'starseeds' want. You have to remember it is a very very different culture and make-up here on earth. How can you be so sure if the change is what humanity truly wants?

You ask what is wrong. Lies and decite, power struggles, opression on one group to raise another, wars, disease, famine, unequality, death. There is a lot wrong on this planet. Perhaps humanity doesn't "want" change, but perhaps it is needed all the same. A toddler may not want to go to bed, they'll kick and scream, but it is nessecary all the same, cause it keeps them healthy. I don't know if i am a starseed myself, but i can relate to their ideals because i was willing to open my eyes and see what was right in front of me instead of ignore it like so many others around me. Ask anyone starseed or human, is war right? famine? death? No matter who you ask, and what they are, they'll give you the same answer: No, it isn't right. Starseeds are just more motivated to change it.

Hi,

I see that this response was written by me more than a year ago. You're right, they aren't right. No, I do not think they are right. But they aren't wrong. They are essential for growth, not just for humanity. What we have here is a bit too much, I agree. We need to change. And it starts from within and it can be influenced by outside sources, not coerced.

I'm resonating with different 'ideas' these days. But one thing remains - labeling causes separation. And it is not right. That is what is causing war, famine, doubts. Identifying with the term starseeds isn't wrong. Sometimes it helps. But attachment to it is misleading. I hope 'starseeds' will understand this. I resonate with the term starseeds very much. I have very similar ideals too. But we have to remember, change starts from within. The starseeds group seem to be too 'pushy' and idealistic sometimes. What I observe from this group is that they all have the 'human factors' as we all do, and doing things the way human beings do. We are all not very different. I'm not worried about their ideals, I'm worried about us being attached to yet another 'ideology' or identity. If one is truly here to help with growth, then they will deeply understand that it is necessary not to seek identification and glorification through their work.

This is my observation and perspective for now. They may change, please do not take it personally. Have fun on the earth plane. And take it easy. :)

Your WILLPOWER is the strongest asset you have...it is what burns deep inside your soul giving you power to accomplish anything you set your mind to. You discovered your true purpose, and in doing so it overwhelmed you to the point of destroying all hope towards the human society. I have never fit in, my orgins are african decent yet I do not completely just have that in my blood or my image. I could pass for a couple of other races and because of this i am treated differently by different culture's. It hurts when one accepts something the other doesn't. As I grew up I then had a problem with my weight. I was never overwight but i have been chunky, and with the ridicule from the ones who were supposed to love me, I had hard times gaining and losing weight. Going into the school system destroyed me so many times, being labeled with their terms as if I was the alien. OCD, Depression, Anxiety, ADD, are just a few that were labeled at me as I grew. I felt alone because i cared about situations and events others didn't at my age. It hurt, alot...and to a point I was kicked out of my school because I said something I felt from the heart. A woman i respected died and i told a therapist from the school if i had 3 wishes i would revive her, bring hope and love to the world, and become the strongest man in the world...he called me crazy to my mom and sent me away ( mind you he was old ). I could've just given up being sent to the smaller type schools where they cut themselves and smoked at age 12 ( ciggerettes ) but I didn't. This fire burned inside me so hard I managed to prove to them all I did not belong there and as they realised it I managed to fight my way out of both grade's ( 10th and 11th ) into my orginal school for Senior year. As I came back i looked into the faces of all those who sent me away, who gave up on me, but i DIDN'T GIVE UP ON MYSELF!!! And ya know what, with all the limited resources i had I STILL GRADUATED!!! I was the only one to run on that stage and grab my diploma, smiled for the picture, and threw my hat in the air by myself beause I did it all by myself!! i didn't continue though because I felt I was over the school system and went straight to the work force....that is the point where I learned i wasn't human at all. My ability to pay attention to detail, to have a consistant habit for every job and not just because i started the first day, my need to help everyone on they task, still having the strength and energy to do mine. These things allowed me to further realise I wasn't the same. Instead of letting them tell me something was wrong because I had ADD, I USED THAT FOR POWER, TAKING THAT EXTRA RAW ENERGY WHEN I WAS SO TIRED AND REVIVED MYSELF TO CONTINUE ON TILL IT WAS OVER!! Instead of being an outcast because of my need to organize and clean ( OCD ), I used it to my advantage and always had a clean and organized area, especially in the food industry where I am still today. And as great as it was to overcome these disorders as they call them, I felt used by society. They learned about my stamia, my organization, my drive to finish until its done and used me...they used me so much without pay sometimes, cutting my hours, or firing me when i wasn't needed anymore..and it hurt man it did but I still continue because if I don't who will continue my life, my story...only I can do it and that is why I continue in their society..I smoke weed very heavily and only then as i work do I see the changes it does for me. My heart is unblocked from the pains of the past, my love is greater than ever, my WillPower burns harder and this is something others see all the time with me through my work. I have such ideas I can create them with my words, my heart, my hands and these are traits not many have. So because of this I fight to continue and I will not let them push me down or take what i know I have away from me. I have a global presence that will changed this entire world..I just need the chance to do so and I have to get that chance myself...just like you have to get yours back. Deepside your soul their is power that is waiting on you, take it, grasp it because you earned it all. Their laws, disorders and dualistic ways will not last for long. You have to pick up and continue on..because I believe in you! I always wanted to feel happy, to not feel alone, and it is only when I can help someone and feel their energy change that I am happy. This world is painful to me because of their actions and heartless ways..and this is why I am needed, I have to change this, and if I have to take on the government, if I have to have all my secrets exposed to the world, if I have to suffer in the process to get love inside their hearts then so be it, I will take that on with pride!! Their lies cannot reach this mind anymore...The V-chip, Martial Law, Project Blue Beam, 9/11, Blood sacrifice's, I know what they are, what their doing, and I believe i can stop them! but I cannot do it alone..Please find your desire to live, your purpose to continue!! Discovering this wasn't meant for to alienate yourself from them...it was meant for you to take hold of who you are and show them why you are here!!!!!!!! You cannot force yourself to do something, you have to feel it! Supreme Celestial Being, Empath, Starseed, I've been called alot but you can just call me Javohn! My heart is the source of my power and I will use it to awaken this world to the lies they been taught since birth! Discover the path you FEEL in your heart and take it because the money isn't the reason but the change it makes should be the reason!! I WON'T LET YOU GIVE UP...NOW GET UP AND SHOW THEM WHY YOU ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've always hated humans too but it turns out it's my assignment to learn how to be human and although I hate the job it's kinda fun too. I can't complain, I'm much happier now that I know what I'm supposed to be doing and even if I still don't belong at least I'm able to feel more human now and less alien.

Same here, I just want to go home! :(