Hate It And Love It (the Former Way More Than The Latter)

Having run away from home with a guy, he then ended up becoming far more religious than my parents. So now I'm stuck married with two kids (oldest is 2, younger one is 9 months old), and stay at home. I don't have any education (anything I know is self taught), only just recently got my driver's license (not that it matters since we now live in China), and have no friends or anyone for social support. I don't speak the language, I don't know anyone who is English, and my husband just doesn't understand. He says my primary job is taking care of the kids (which includes: cooking from scratch vegan meals every day (we don't eat out. EVER!), using cloth diapers (and all the extra work that entails), laundry, shopping (walking to the market and back, carrying everything by hand, up 4 flights of stairs every other day), cleaning (which with kids needs to be done many times a day), bathing kids, and etc.) and him and the apartment. Nothing else is important.

The only time I'm able to get online is when he is gone, and he makes me feel like I'm cheating on him if I'm online for more than 30 minutes a day (or however long it takes to check my email). We don't have sex (which is fine because I don't want anymore kids), we don't talk, we just exist together. He eats what I cook, says it so good we don't have to eat out. We sleep in the same bed, but never touch.

I definitely would do things differently if I could go back to 3 years ago. I would go to him, I'd just leave home and strike out on my own. No kids, no family, just me. That would be heaven.