You Can Have It All, But Not All At Once

I am now a working mom, but I was a stay at home mom for 10 wonderful years. I didn't meet my husband until I was 29. I was teaching elementary school at the time. We married two years later and knowing that we wanted a family and I knew I would stay at home to lovingly raise our children full time, we waited 3 years before starting our family. Preparing for the financial sacrifices we knew would come, we paid off our vehicles, fenced our yard, put a new roof on the house, traveled modestly and cleared as much debt as we could. Happily, even though my doctors considered me "advanced maternal age," I got pregnant very easily at age 34 and again at 38. I have strong opinions about child spacing, which is why we waited a few years between children.

The years I spent at home went by so fast. It seems like yesterday I was nursing my babies, going for walks in the quiet neighborhood with the stroller, changing diapers and taking hours of video of all of the adorable things my children did. I did not miss a thing from my children's childhoods. I was there for it all and treasure that experience. I nurtured them physically, emotionally, intellectually and nutritionally every day of their young lives.

When my daughter was 6 and my son was almost 10, I was volunteering at school but began to find the days at home very long. I was getting kind of lonely. My children's school advertised for a special education helper, and with all of my professional experience, I called the principal and talked to her about it. My husband was very supportive and I would be on the exact same schedule as my kids and very flexible with time off if they were sick or needed me at home. That was my first step back to work.

I did that for 2 years and then decided to apply for a full time kindergarten position. I got it and was now a full time working mom. I am beyond fortunate that my husband is more than supportive and flexible -- and willing -- to help at home -- a lot. He leaves very early in the morning, so I am home to get both kids off to middle and high school. He comes home early to meet them after school. He takes our daughter to music lessons and picks her up after Jazz band practice at school. He will start dinner if I ask him, but I usually try to plan healthy, streamlined meals on weeknights. He is a committed, loving father and husband. He is a vital part of our marriage and commitment to our children. I will never, ever agree with women who say it's ok not to have a father for their children. Fathers are essential, as is a healthy, loving marriage and nuclear family unit.

My opinion, which I know is strong, is that infants, babies, toddlers and young children need their mothers full time. That is how human beings develop best, what humans have needed since our species evolved. I believe in extended, natural breastfeeding, co-sleeping and loving, attachment parenting. I always followed -- and still follow -- my instincts when raising my children. I went back to work when my children were naturally moving away from me and into the world, armed, I hope, with the security, love and strength they received from my commitment to them when they needed it most.

So, Marissa Mayer, the new CEO of Yahoo, may work thru her pregnancy and maternity leave, and she will think she has it all, but she won't. And neither will her baby.