Can I Make Up For Lost Time?

I drove an 18 wheeler until last april. I quit because I missed my children so much, and I missed so much of them. I missed birthdays and funny comments and attitudes. I missed everything that I wanted to spend their childhood memorizing.

I am so afraid that it is too late. They are not very old, the oldest two are only 10, but still, do they hate me for leaving them or do they understand that I was doing it for them.

I have been home now for almost four months. I have spent as much time with them as is humanly possible, but i still don't feel that it is enough. They will be going back to school soon and then I wont have them here all day.

They beg me not to go over the road anymore and I can't make them understand that I'm not going to. I will never leave them again. I want to be a stay at home mom for as long as the Good Lord will let me.

I have missed so much, I refuse to miss anymore. Can I make up for the time that I lost by never leaving their sides again? I hope so, I pray so.

silvertears silvertears
31-35, F
4 Responses Jul 31, 2007

yeah..this is life ..i can understand ur pain as mother as well as ur emotional and financial insecuriites. even i want to take up a job..but have enough guts to put my 4 years old in baby sitting and leave him for 12-14 hrs a day. :(<br />
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I was not able to keep my promise. On August 15th, I started driving again. I didn't want to and I cried to whole first day that I was gone. But, when you have four children to feed, clothe, support and put through college, I guess you do what you have to. At least this time, I found a company that gets me home a lot.

Good for you, it's hard to find balance they will understand,hang in there.

THere IS much you have missed (alot of "firsts" probably), and you can not get them back. But you have NOW and the future! You can't make up for the lost time. but you can fullfill their time NOW. And they are of an age to understand and appreciate that! And you sound like a very caring, active parent. You are probably more so, because of the precious moments you feel you've lost out on. While it's hard NOT to dwell on that, try to dwell on the precious time you have left before they are grown and gone. Hopefully, one day your children will be grateful for the sacrifices you've made, first for trying to support them with the trucking job, and then giving it up to BE WITH THEM! Switching life styles is not easy, even when we know it's for the better! Good luck to you and your children! Your love and support will hopefully carry you down this road to success! =}