Failing At Step Momhood

I married 3 years ago a man with 2 daughters.  I also have 2 daughters.  I have sole custody of mine, we have his most weekends and one night a week.   I moved to be with him, into his house, his life.  The sd's live a few miles away with bm.  About a year ago, the oldest sd told my mom in law and sis in law many horrible things about me that were untrue.  Complete lies.  instead of checking with us, the in laws just became furious, accepted the stories as truth and it wrecked my husband's relationship with them and what little bit of one I had started to build.  I feel like I can't trust the SD's now and I can't seem to get past it.  I have no control because I fear that anything I say or do will be twisted around and retold causing more problems.  I am a great mom to my own girls, my husband has supported me completely, however, I now have alienated myself from the sd's.  The other part is that that they are very spoiled by bm.  I believe in hand me downs and appreciating what you are given, they both are under 11 and have laptops, cell phones, ipods, coach purses, etc...  HELP!!!!!

jonescathj jonescathj
2 Responses Feb 18, 2009

Sorry to hear that there's all that tension between you and your inlaws:( My situation is not as bad, but I feel it has the potential to be that way. I feel you on the spoiling, with my sd its like there's a triple threat (LOL) her mom, paternal grandmother and aunt! They all 3 spoil and baby her soo much it's ridiculous! I mean to the point that I honestly feel like it's affected her self esteem. No one makes her do anything, including eat! She thinks candy and popsicles are major food groups! Seriously, she says, "I'm hungry, I want some candy!" I agree about hand me downs and appreciating what you've got. My stepsis has two girls, one 13 and one 11 and my 10 year old has grown up wearing their hand me downs! Literally since birth she has regularly given me what they grow out of. There's no real problems between me and them yet, but I feel the older she gets and the more time she spends around me, the differences in me and them are going to cause conflict. I'm not mean by any means, but I wouldn't baby her. I'd actually like to have her here for the summer so that we could have some affect on her behavior. She's only here every other weekend and that isn't enough to change anything. I guess my best suggestion would be to try and have all of you sit down and talk. It might be drama but you might get somewhere. You can't control what anyone else does, you can only do your best everyday and they're the ones that have to live with how they act.

I totaly agree with your views. With experience to my own situation, I feel the best way is for your husband to step in and to be firm. They need to know that you are also important to him and that badmouthing you will not be tollerated. To build trust again will take time, but hey, we are use to baby steps by now he?