I'm in a relationship with a Man with a 12 year old son from a previous relationship. At first, it was great(besides having to deal with his ex, and having to listen to her calls on speaker phone from both of them), but it's 8 months in now and I'm starting to feel very alone in the relationship. His son stays with us 99% of the time and his father thinks the world of him.
My problem in all of this is that his son is very much spoiled and gets his way in EVERYTHING and has no respect for his father at all. He has two bedrooms to call his own and yet claimed the living room as his too. He has friends over whenever he feels like and is the LAZIEST person in the world and the messiest. I don't feel like this is my home at all. When I'm there, I'm in our bedroom because I don't feel like I want to sit down and watch his son watch Disney XD or "play the game".
I have tried to talk to him about his son and his response to it was, "why are we talking about MY son?" Yet he expects me to feel to talk to him about ANYTHING, so he says.
I suffer from anxiety and whenever I'm upset about anything happening around the house he just assumes that it's related to my anxiety or my period(*internally screaming).
I've never felt so alone in my life.
Sammy489 Sammy489
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I understand your frustration and feel like my home is not mine as well. I also live with a messy and very lazy stepson who is 13. I have discussed having chores and responsibility with my husband for his son for years and now he finally has one dish night a week, simply loading the dishwasher and sweeping the floor. It seems like my husband wants to be more of his sons friend than a father at times. It is not necessary for your stepson to have two bedrooms and the living room. I have retreated to my bedroom mostly in my home because stepson smells so bad and won't shower, just sits out in the living room eating snacks and playing video games. Now the tv is broken so at least he's in his room most of the time. Maybe you could suggest that stepson only plays his games or watches tv in his two bedrooms and the living room is your space?

I would suggest getting out of the house instead of holing up in your bedroom. Go hiking. Go walk around the mall. Hang out with neighbors. Make new friends. Take up new hobbies.
You are in control of your happiness. If you are alone make yourself less alone. Parents are defensive of their children even when they are wrong. We don't even mean to be all the time but we are.
Have him do at least one chore a day. Insist on a maid if he won't. Don't ask him yourself to do chores, have his father do it. Don't be a martyr. Ask for what you need or stop doing what you hate doing. It will get better

I agree that you need to get out of the house and do things that you enjoy too. I have realized that my house isn't going to look the way I want until stepson moves out in 5 years and my toddler son grows up a bit more. It can be frustrating, but don't isolate yourself. Do you have a hobby? Go shopping or out to lunch with your girlfriends or Mom. And try to schedule regular date nights with your husband to strengthen your marriage. Being by yourself will only make guy miserable. Take care of you.

Honey I am sorry your so unhappy. Yes it can be stressful to have the kids play their games in the family room. (living room) I understand that feeling of being annoyed by it.
However, they were my kids and I did enjoy talking to them and finding out about their lives while they hung out.
Personally out of all the kids who grew up in my home not one of them was even remotely human in the Jr. high school years.
They are not little kids any more and they are not really young adults yet. They are awkward, disrespectful, full of themselves, insecure, loud, and yes messy.
When you have watched them grow from babies to this age I think it is way easier to take. Even while you want to smack them upside the back of the head you want to smile at them.
The young man does not sound to me like he is anything but normal dear. Yes he does seem to have more than many kids his age. Yes it would be nice if he did some chore regularly. However, this is only a few very short years. You have to decide if you can wait for him to grow up dear or if you need to leave now.