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Respecting Your Elders

My step son does not believe in respecting your elders. He believes and has actually said to me that he deserves just as much respect as I deserve and that he needn't respect me unless I show respect to him first.

Now I do believe in teaching children by example and I am very respectful to my step son and also to my elders. However, my stepson continues arguing the point about respect but does not actually ever show respect to me and most others around him apart from his dad.

Whilst I do believe that everyone should be respected I do think that when you provide a roof over someone's head, food in their belly, clothese on their back and all the other things they ask for as well as wash their clothes, maintain a clean and happy home with everything he could want ( which is a stark contrast from what his mother provided), I do believe that that person (my step son) should show me respect.

I know he has learnt these poor values from his mother who always put herself first even at the expense of her children which is ultimately why my step son lives with us full time. But he has now been with us for some years and seen how we live and how generous we are with him and how much we provide I would have thought that he would learn about being generous and respectful. It is just not happening though. He is rude and disrespectful and extremely arrogant and self centered. It also doesn't help that he is very smart and has the ability to quite competently argue his point until he wears you out (thankfully I am good at arguing the point as well so he gets a reality check every now and the ).

Anyway... I guess I find it disappointing to see him so insistent on not respecting his elders. I mean when I was growing up if we were sitting in the lounge room and one of our parents or their friends came in the room and there was no other chairs to sit on we immediately got up. It was instinctual. As was greeting my parents every day, asking to be excused from the dinner table, helping mum with the groceries, helping with the dishes etc etc. we also would not dream of ever interrupting our parents if they were in a serious discussion let alone intervene with our own derrogatory comments which is what my step son did recently... But that is a story for another day.

I know it is hard for kids coming from a blended family but what people forget is that it is also hard for the step parent. In my case I have all the responsibility of a parent without all the love and care and respect. It is tough. Sometimes when I complain of this people retort back that I knew what I was getting into... Well my answer to that is 'no I didn't.'. I fell in love with a man who had his kids every second weekend. We had never discussed full time parenting and I was fine with that. Things changed a couple of years ago with his son moving in with us full time. I wasn't asked and it was never discussed. There was no warning and by that point we were married and I was pregnant. How do you walk away after that?

Anyway... I do my best.. I make mistakes but I own up to them. Irrespective of all that it is still hard but I love my husband and my daughter and most of the time I do love my step son. He needs love I just wish he knew how to love back.

MD
mummydiaries mummydiaries 31-35 1 Response Apr 3, 2012

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I can totally relate to your story besides the fact that I am 26 with no children of my own and marrying a man who has a 9 year old daughter who lives with us full time. I always pay for her mothers mistakes and never get any of the credit for it. It is really annoying due to the fact that my step daughter is under foot all day every day and doesn't show me any respect in the process. You sound like a great mother keep your head up and thanks for letting me rant a little. :)