My Boyfriend's Daughter Is Insane.

The love of my life was married far before he met me. His daughter is sixteen. He has a joint custody arrangement in which he gets her on weekends but this wasn't always the case. For the vast majority of her life, she lived with a mother who didn't really care about her and who essentially ignored her. She is in a horrible alternative school, where she's constantly exposed to unwholesome people. I sometimes think she is psychologically beyond repair. 

Her father and I are gay. I am a man. Her mother has taught her all throughout her life (her and my love have been divorced since she was five) that being gay is a sick perversion and that her father is a filthy pervert. She has never stopped believing this. Because of this, she does everything in her power to act out particularly badly while she's with us. Late at night, after my son and her father are asleep, she will come out of her bedroom completely naked and she'll sit next to me on the couch. Realizing that she does this in order to get attention, I ignored her. I continued typing and you can trust that being a gay man, it isn't a challenge to ignore naked female jail bait. She was sure that it escalated. In fact, she eventually started hugging me from behind and saying things like,

"You know you want to dip your wick into my tight little hole, you big bad pervert." 

After a few more nights of ignoring her, things calmed down a lot. I talked about it with my love. He knows exactly what happened and sometimes, he comes out to demand that she puts some clothes on. 

Ever since this nudist phase has ended, she's been throwing temper tantrums like a two year-old. Her boyfriend broke up with her over Facebook, so she threw the computer off of the  desk and started stomping on it. We took her cell phone away for the weekend and she punched the screen out on the Television. Her reactions to almost everything are grotesquely exaggerated. Neither her father or I know what to do about this.

My primary issue with her is the impact she can potentially have on my five year-old son, who may not witness her nudity but is more than familiar with her language. She can be quite creative when screaming cuss words at us, loud enough to have the police called on her by the neighbors in the condo. Any advice regarding how to deal with this would be wonderful.

I realize that she's in need of some serious discipline and yet, we cannot work miracles when we only have her on weekends. In fact, most of this is damage that has already been done. She's terrible to us and to the police. She's actually pregnant at the moment (her mother fully intends to allow her to get an abortion) and she has no perception of the consequences of any of her actions, despite that she's been arrested multiple times. 

I am quite overwhelmed.

HighYouCantSustain HighYouCantSustain
22-25, M
5 Responses Nov 4, 2009

Being gay is a sin, and if you don't repent, your going to hell. Your stepdaughter is right about you being a filthy pervert, but her actions are really awful. Give her a spanking. I was never to old for a spanking

I agree with you about your second post about how you would rather have your step daughter full time than part time because I live with my daughter full time and all it takes is a week trip to see her mother and she comes back thinking she doesn't have to do chores or have any respect for me. I am so sorry for what your going through, my mom always asks me (when I call her upset about my step child and are at witts end) "Is he worth it, would you do anything for him" and it makes me realize he is worth it he is my soul mate and in the process I hope that I gain a step child who respects me. :)

Hello,<br />
I'm a step mom to a 16 daughter who's been in my life since my partner and I got together 6 yrs ago. Your step daughter sounds like mine except not the extent of pregnacy or hitting things. She's just a very moody teenager which is to be expected however there are limits to their behavior as well. She is never happy, I lost my temper on her a few weeks ago cause I got sick of listening to the swearing and the rudeness. I'm a female by the way. She has no issue with her mom and I she's knows me for 10 yrs. We are putting her in counceling cause she has anger issues towards her dad who beat hre and her step mom who malested her. Its never been dealt with so we are praying a councelor will help even if she doesnt want to go we are making her cause she's failing in school its just out of control at this point. <br />
Hang int here. I know you posted this a while ago but I saw it and wanted to let you know your not alone......

Actually, mom has been on vacation for over a week and has just extended that to another week. We've been stuck with her, entirely. Yesterday, she attempted to give herself a coat-hanger abortion and was rushed to the hospital, bleeding. <br />
<br />
She's fine. The baby is fine. They aren't sure whether she'll be able to reproduce after this is over. I'm beginning to think that infertility may actually be a good thing in her case but I'd never tell my love about that.<br />
<br />
This has been a long vacation and I am praying for when it ends. I don't know how much more of her I can possibly tolerate. Mom goes out of her way to make her hate us and then she abandons her here for weeks at a time. I'd actually prefer we had her full-time. I think it may actually be easier if mom wasn't brainwashing her all week, long. She almost liked me at one point, then she went home to her mother for the next week and came back worse than ever.

I am so sorry. Sounds like a really tough situation.

You are lucky you only have to deal with her behaviors part time. My husband unfortunately, has sole custody because mom is a nut. Please read my response to your input and no I don't hate you. <br />
It sounds to me that not only is there teenage rebellion but I would guess her behavior stems from just not accepting her dad a gay man. am I right? I wish my step-child was here for only a weekend ,I think we would have gotten along better if it had been just a weekend. There are many things i could let go if it were just a weekend. You know. oh and by the way , the things that get me yelling besides being badgered are lying, when I catch her in a lie ,I become unhinged. I can not stand a liar. so that is where the majority of the yelling comes into play. i also start yelling at disrespect. when she is disrespectful and it is on purpose ,it gets me. <br />
I fear my step-daughter will waste her life and end up in jail also especially if she can't get a grip on her destructive behaviors. And she is far to intelligent to waste her life on pettiness. It is never her fault for her behavior and that will take her life path down some rocky roads, you know.