It's Hard & Complicated & Confusing...

my boyfriend's son is here this weekend. he's 12 but he's sooooo immature.  when i was 12 i was doing chores, staying at home by myself, looking after my 7 yr old sister occasionally, etc. granted girls supposedly mature faster than boys but jeez. 

he makes these noises! when he takes of bite of food he inhales loudly, then when he eats something he really likes he sort of hums. & he smacks & chews w/ his mouth open ALL the time. i've just now gotten him to say excuse me when he burps. and last night he POOTED AT THE TABLE!!!! it's just disgusting.

he's also very VERY needy. the attention must be on him @ all times. for example, a few times when the boyfriend & i were holding hands he actually came in the middle of us & broke us apart. he's always asking me these inane questions, he wants to hang all over his father when we are in public, he argues w/ me & his dad for no reason other than to argue & so many other little things that are just ridiculous for a boy his age.

i would like to say that i do understand that he's dealing w/ his parents divorce & said parents starting new relationships. that's fine. my parents are divorced...but my brother (who was 8 @ the time) handled it much better than this kid is. i also am aware that his only child status plays in to it. unfortunately he is very coddled & sheltered & given his way more often than not. i do take that in to account. i am also completely aware that he may not be as bright as i was or as bright as my siblings are @ that age hence the questions i consider inane.  i am by no means saying i belong in Mensa. but i've come to realize (really in the past couple of years) that there are people who are actually dumb & don't just play the part. i was naive to not ever consider that when i was younger. do you understand what i mean?

i am not trying to be mean. i want to be kind & caring & nurturing. ESPECIALLY bc i probably won't ever have children of my own bc my bf has had a vasectomy.  we've discussed marriage (we live together) & a reversal as well as adoption (only very lightly on the adoption). besides the fact that this child will forever more be a part of my life, he is a part of my boyfriend. i love my boyfriend & i do love the child. the kid just makes me want to slit my wrists sometimes.  i can be patient most of the time. but sometimes after he asks the same question over & over (like tonight, he asked me no less than 5 times, i kid not, if the yellow tea cup was his) or is making those gross noises i just snap & get snippy w/ him. i don't want to push my boyfriend away w/ my behavior & fortunately he has listened to me a little & helps w/ enforcing the manners...i'm just going nuts. the kid makes me insane.


Update 2/11/2008

thankfully this has gotten somewhat better. the thing i don't get at all...the one thing i haven't ever seen from a child his the physical affection w/ his dad. he still kisses him, he wants to hold his hand in public or when we watch a movie at home...he says I Love You a trillion times (he does this w/ both parents)...and just generally hangs all over him. i just find it strange. i stopped hanging on my mom long before 12. btw, he will be 13 in a month or so. but overall, it's gotten a little better. i'm just trying to take one day at a time w/ him.
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5 Responses Jul 3, 2007

Be ready to take all these, the likelihood of things turning better is slim. Since it is your choice to get into this relationship, you have to be ready for more...<br />
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Good luck!

I see a lot of that with Tynan and his dad.... like when dad's home he is a drama queen, and perpetually Velcroed to his dad... but when it's just me at home he behaves well and doesn't get to mouthy.<br />
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i have NO idea what that's about. I suppose its because i always have to be the one who puts the foot down. it sucks sometimes- but you get used to it i guess.

I find with Tynan I just gotta do things gradually. I'll sit out down and talk to the hubby about a behavior i don't find acceptable and why. Once we come to an agreement (or compromise) we will work on it slowly.<br />
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For example... Tynan is a picky eater and thinks if he doesn't like supper a whole different meal should be made for him. The hubby and i agreed that this was not healthy because he wasn't getting in as many veggies/food groups as a growing boy needed. First he had to take a bite out of everything on his plate, then he had to eat at least half of everything. <br />
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Now I've got him understanding that he must clean his plate if he wants anything besides what he has been given for dinner.<br />
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I don't know how to make it work out with other settings, but really edging into it and having full communication with the significant other is important when it comes to kids that aren't "yours" that have behaviors to manage

wow- your step son has behaviors simmilar to my now 6 year old adopted son....<br />
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theres the whole womb donor thing here and everything.. but wow- if he were 12 there would be no putting up with that kind of behavior.<br />
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good luck- yes.

Your sentiments are valid, and the desires stated in your comment are even more admirable. Hang in there and you'll figure things out. Best of luck!