I Have to Bite My Tongue, and It Hurts

I am a stepmom to be and I'm worried about my reactions to my fiance's daughter's temper tantrums.  She is now 7 and she and I have come a long way, we get along, we have fun together, and to me she says please, thank you, etc.  We go shopping together and play games together, a great improvement over when we met almost 2 years ago.  But she is horrible with her father, I live with them and can't help but eavesdrop when she screams at him, tells him to go away, orders him around.  Her mother does the same thing to my fiance', she screams at him over the phone, she threatens him with more financial punishments regularly and has filed papers and got more money from him after we moved in together and most recently after we got engaged.  At least twice lately when the little girl has screamed at her dad, I've snapped at her to stop.  When she screams at him I hear her mother.  I get so angry.  I know it's not fair but I know I'm snapping at the child because her mother is so awful.  Please tell me what to do. 

Ellymae Ellymae
36-40, F
1 Response Mar 12, 2009

I think that it is appropriate for you to respond in a situation like that. Since you and your fiance have established a home together, I think it is appropriate for you to identify what rules your home has. And yelling is one rule that is not to be tolerated in your home. My stepson tends to do the same thing at times. I have an understanding with my fiance that if I feel the need to punish him for something, I am able to do so. But you need to have that communication with your fiance about that as well. The two of you need to be on the same page.<br />
As far as the mother yelling at him too, you need to tell your fiance that he needs to demand respect from her and should not tolerate that treatment. We deal with that on a regualr basis as well but you just need to let that person know that you will not be talked to in that manner. Demand respect. It has shown to work for me so far.