Is There Such Thing As A Wicked Step-daugher?

I met my husband during a July 4th festival, and it was love at first sight for him.  I was just getting out of a long-term relationship, inwhich I was head-over-heels in love, but was cheated on.  When my husband asked me to marry him, I think I was more in love with the idea of being married again, than I was in love.  He was recently divorced with 3 children and I had been previously married with a 9 year old son.  My son loved him almost immediately.  His father, is not a bad father, but was not really involved in my son's.  So, my son loved the newfound attention from another man.  I was really apprehensive about getting married again, especially taking on 3 more children, but my son loved him and I had been from a blended family, so I felt that all would work out.

Well, we announced we were getting married and his ex-wife decided she was "too ill" to care for the 3 kids, so they moved in with us.  Well, we were married in less than 6 months after meeting and I went from a single-mother to an instant family.  His kids were a girl 11, a boy 10, and another boy 4, and my son was 9.  Almost from the day the kids moved in with us, I should've known it was a mistake.  His kids would do everything they could to gang up on my son, accuse him of things he didn't do, and blame him when things were broken.  Even when they were caught in the act, they lied - it was always 3 against 1.  The daughter and youngest boy was always treated like they could do no wrong in my husband's eyes.  They would lie and get away with everything.  They made it known they hated me and would do everything they could to remind me that I was not their mother.  I always told my husband I would not force myself upon his children because I believed that, in time, they would come to love me too.  They did not have to call me "mom", but they did have to respect me.

Well, my step-daughter was not going to have anything to do with making my life easy.  It started with our wedding pictures.  She refused to smile for every photo, except one - a picture of her and her Dad.  When I saw the pictures, I cried.   It was memories that were ruined for me.  We only had one picture made out of all that were taken, and it was only of me and my husband.  It then moved on to a multitude of school functions.  My husband and I always made a point to attend as many as we possibly could.  She was in band, choir, color guard, dance, and track.  Her activities seemed to control our entire lives.  The boys were only involved in baseball and boy scouts.  Anyway, it never failed that when I would attend an activity for her, she would make a point to bring all her friends over to us (we would be standing side-by-side), put her back to me, and introduce her friends to her dad.  It would literally bring me to tears.  Her dad would say, "the divorce has been hard on them, just give them some time".  When she was 16, her dad and I decided to give her a Sweet 16 birthday party.  We rented a hall, invited all her friends, had music, and I personally made all the food.  Again, I was shunned when it was time to be introduced to the friends.  This time, her dad said something to her, so - she lined up all her friends and paraded them to me and introduced them one by one.  Needless to say, I was very embarrassed by the whole fiasco.  Things were never the same since then.  I think I just gave up.

Now, she is 25 years old and has 2 children of her own, living on Welfare and money they scam from the government that is supposed to be used to pay for an education.  Her boyfriend refuses to work, and if he does; quits after a few months.  All of the kids have grown up and moved out on their own, except one that my husband and I have together, who is now 13.  I have always wanted to have a relationship with my step-daughter but never thought it would happen.  Well, we found Facebook, and became "friends" and played the many games Facebook had to offer.  We would comment on each other's posts.  I was so happy thinking that we had finally found something that would bring us together.  I had started to let my guard down and let this girl start to get close to me.  I would personally invite her to family functions, instead of sending messages through her Dad, and asked her to help me plan her dad's 50th birthday party.  Things were looking up - until the day I received a phone call from her telling me to stay out of her life and stop talking about her.  She flooded Facebook with joining sarcastic pages like "I may seem calmed, but in my head I've killed you three times", and other similar ones.  She also posted a post about people needing to mind their own business, which caused her Dad to post some comments.  I was totally dumbfounded because I had only said good things about her and expressed concern for how they were getting along.  She told her Dad it was because I asked about some Nike shoes her baby was wearing.  It just so happened it was a conversation her Dad had overhead me having with his mother (who by the way is the gossip spreader). He defended me stating that I hadn't said anything bad, but it was more of a comment of being happy she was doing better.  She, of course, believes her grandmother, who by the way, always gets conversations messed up, but repeats her versions of them.

Well, it has been almost 3 months since this girl has spoken to my husband.  My youngest step-son also lives with her because he was caught breaking into vehicles and stealing radios.  He, of course, blames me for all his problems and said he refuses to live with us. Because his dad supported me (which, if I may add, was the first time in 15 years), he called his dad a low-life loser and was a sorry excuse for a father.  Called me a C--- and a B--- and told his dad he couldn't understand why he could choose a "worthless piece of trash" over his kids.

My husband is extremely hurt, to the point that he says he could care less to every speak with them again.  Now, please keep in mind, those kids were everything to my husband, to the point we almost split up a dozen times because he sided with them when they were lying.  I don't know why I stayed this long, but I will say that since the kids moved out, we have become the best of friends and I have fallen in love with him again.

Now, I am torn with the fact that my husband's birthday is coming soon, and I don't want to invite these kids to the party.  I feel that they don't deserve to come after all they've said to their dad and about me and how they've treated me.  But, I am also concerned that it would hurt our relationship if I don't invite them, so I am looking for some advice as to what I should do.  He is also not speaking to his mother because of this incident.  She also babysits my step daughter's kids, and she's afraid that if she was to say anything against her, that she would not be able to see the kids anymore.
TiredofthePain TiredofthePain
41-45, F
Aug 8, 2010