Any Good Stories?

I can only speak as a stepfather....give lots of love and lots of praise and she will be yours for life. You will give more than you receive....but that is the same as with actual biological children.
Good luck.....your are doing the right thing and one day the stepdaughter will realize it.

I am a step mother to a 3 year old girl and 5 year old boy, never had kids of my own. I will not try to sugar coat it, it is very trying at times, but truly all kids need is love. So if you have love to give, you will be fine. Just remember they need someone willing to teach them the rights and not the wrongs, love them unconditionally and just be supportive of them.

Have the benefits outweighed the struggles? Thank you both so very much for sharing...

I have a biological child and two stepchildren-all three are grown. As with all parenting, you will give more than you will receive-it is the same with stepchildren and children-as parenting is not something you do to receive "benefits"(I am not trying to be mean here).....I wish that I did receive "benefits" for my sacrifices for all the children (and grandchildren now)......but all I have received is their love....but come to think of it, that is what this is all about, (as I have learned for me ) isn't it? Their love and now the love of the grandchildren. Yes, it was and is worth it as they will always remember me and hug me every time that they see me. Especially the grandchildren....they will always remember their "pawpaw". I hope that this may help you some. Welcome to the stepparent club.

Thank you - and when I said "benefits" these were the things to which I was referring - their love, the value of family, the fun of watching them develop and grow. Thank you so much....

You would do great. Think you would be a great mother, do all you can as a great mother. I doubt any child who is sensible could reject one who is trying so hard to be a good mother. Happiness will come to you when you believe it will (:

Your role will not be to replace their mother, but to be a most important person in their lives, one to whom they can turn to, receive unconditional love even when they are being awkward, guidance, freindship and stability. There is no guidebook for being a stepmother, you will learn as you go along, and the experience will bring you all great joy.

I am not a stepmother. My friend is. She says she doesn't get in the middle of her husband and his ex wife decisions on raising her step child. However your situation is different becasue your step chlild is coming to live with you. Being a mother is difficult. Especially if you want to be a good mother. I think you are doing the right thing by searching for help.

Step-ing is hard, especially if the child's other parent sees you as a threat. What worked best for me is making friends as best I could with the other moms, asking her advice about things, trying to keep her routines and set of discipline rules when we could. It doesn't always work, but when that person is hostile to you, it is a clear uphill struggle to make a success of the relationship. Good luck!

This comment will probably be a bit long.

My husband's son moved in with us when he was 9, two months after we got married when his mother decided she didn't want him around anymore. Be there for her when she needs you, give her love and understanding.

I can't speak for girls, so I don't know if your situation would go the same as ours has. If my stepson's mother had been consistent and just stayed out of his life, everything would have gone a lot smoother. Instead, she kept on barging back into his life for "visitations" which started out fine for several months then would quickly deteriorate, eventually exploding into a mess again. One example, when he was 11, she picked him up one Saturday at 9am. An hour later, I heard the door slam and my stepson came running into the house crying his eyes out. When I went to see what was wrong, he said his mother had said she never wanted to see or hear from him again and he wanted to know what was wrong with him that she didn't want him. All I could do was sit there and hug him and tell him there was nothing wrong with him, that his mother had some problems she had to work out and it wasn't his fault.

And no matter what she did, he always worshipped the ground she walked on. It was tough to watch because we saw how much she hurt him, but we never badmouthed her, we always tried to support their relationship.

As he got older, the relationship with his mother caused us some problems, especially when she'd use the "she's not your mother, you don't have to listen to her" line when he complained about something that happened at home (our house). Eventually it turned out she's mentally ill, and she ended up losing her other child as well (different father). But not before it took its toll on our household. We've had our ups and downs since then, including several months last year where we had to ask him to move out (he's 20 now) and then he begged us to let him come back (which we gladly did), and I'm proud of how he has turned out.

It is not easy and you can never really foresee all of the possible scenarios that might present themselves. If you have access to a family counselor, that might help - I wish we had!!

The best you can give is the best you can do. Good luck!