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I Can't Watch My Stepdaughter Get Her Heart Broke Again By Her So Called Real Mother.

When I met my husband he had a little girl who was only eighteen months at the time that was eight years ago.  She has always lived with us.  Her mother was a drug addict and a thief anything else she could do. She never had time for her daughter. Five years ago she went to prison.  This past July she was released on parole.  We gave her another chance to be in her life. That lasted for about a month then she went on the run again.  She even had the nerve to tell her daughter it was her fault because she spent to much time with her that day. The whole time she was in prison I sent her pictures and wrote her letters to let her know how she was doing. I let her talk to her on the phone two or three times a week.  I've never said a bad word about her to our daughter.  She calls me mom I spend more time with her than anyone I go on every field trip, take her to every doctors app. and do all the things a  mother should do. I love this child as if she was my own.  There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her.     Her so called mother accused me of beating her knowing I would never do that.  She has jumped me, threatened to burn my house down, and tried to turn my daughter against me.  And yes I call her my daughter because I am the one who has raised her. Just because she gave birth doesnt make her a mother.  And I do every thing I can to get along with her but she always finds some reason to cuss me out, or try to fight me.  She finally got arrested again but this morning she was released again. And I am scared for my daughter I dont want to see her go through that pain again.  I pray her mother will do the right thing this time, I really do because I really want them to have a healthy relationship.  My daughter has been treating me a lot different since her mother told her she didn't have to listen to me.  And it's breaking my heart.  I think she is scared that im going to leave just like she did.  I really need help with this.  I don't know what to do anymore I've tried every way i can think of to reasure her that i will always be there but she doesnt trust me anymore because of the way her mother has done her.  How can gain her trust back and show her that i will always be there? And how can I protect her from getting hurt again?

hinsonsgirl hinsonsgirl 26-30 3 Responses Mar 25, 2011

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Be careful. The child most likely won't remember what you have done for her and like Tuliro said, the loyalty to biomom is strong NO MATTER HOW GREAT OF A STEP-PARENT YOU ARE! I was a SM and I do not regret my efforts, but I did get to a point where I just didn't have anything to give anymore. I was tired of sacrificing. Also, what I noticed is what step-children remember is your faults not your strengths unless the bioparent (with me, their father) raise them to be decent human beings and to deal with the feelings they have toward the SM (i.e., divided loyalty, etc.).

To fight the stepkids loyalty to biomom is useless. Kids always love and trust their bioparents EVEN if the stepmom have done much much more for the stepkids well being.. blood is thicker than water..sometimes it is too thick that it is poisonous

You are a great stepmother. I really respect you. After all the crap I have seen here with stepmoms saying what-not about their stepchildren and making it look like they are evil incarnated, its really good to hear someone talk like you have. I don't have advice to offer as I have no experience about your problem. But I do wish you luck. Hope you find the happiness you deserve from your family.

Bookworm24, I really hope you see this post. You have no idea what you are talking about...the women here are posting what they are because of their PAIN. They have loved their step-children and been treated horribly. Unless you have seen this phenomena or experienced it yourself (I have seen it and now unfortunately have experienced it), you wouldn't believe it. I do think however that it is not the step-children but the bio-parent who holds the responsibility. The bio-parent (the step-parents' partner) has the responsibility to set standards of behavior that are appropriate and MANY don't due to their own "issues" (i.e., guilt, etc.).