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I Am Broken

I met my husband three years ago. His ex wife had left him and both the children. It was love at first site for us both. I loved his children so easily and we bonded instantly. Both kids started calling me mom because their mom was not involved in our life. When she found out we were getting married, she place a sex ad using my phone number. It was awful, one of the most horrible days of my life. We got married and life continued on, we were happy and in love.  My husband told his ex wife he was going to file for sole custody and that when she decided to become more involved in destroying me. She filed for child support to be taken from my husband's checks even though we had the kids. She doesn't work and lives with her mom. She is using the money she gets each week to pay for her lawyer.  I had to take graveyard shifts so I could be home with the kids during the day but still make money. She made fake emails saying someone from my work was emailing her to let her know I was stalking her and was obsessed with her. She started telling the children that I was abusive.  The children (now 4 and 9) have started telling everyone that I beat them, that I choke them, that no where in the house is safe for them, that they cry when their dad leaves because they are so scared.
This breaks my heart. The kids still call me mom and they live with us full time because my husband got temp full custody.  I am the one who makes dinner every night for them, reads them stories, tucks them in. I am the one who is the tooth fairy and the easter bunny and santa's helper.  I am the one who sits for three hours everyday helping the older one with his homework. I am the one who is there.
I love the kids but I have started distancing myself from them and I am always afraid of what will happen next when they go to their mom's for the weekend and I dread the days they come home.
I am broken, I just don't have the strength to keep going like this.
dewdroponadaisy dewdroponadaisy 26-30 1 Response Sep 18, 2011

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I totally hear what your are saying I am in a similar situation. But roles are a little different the child in my case lives with his mother and the mother fills his head with hate and mistruths of his father and I. We spoke to a child phycologest and his advice was to continue to show the child love and support and eventually the child will recognize that what the mother is doing is wrong and how the child is treated at your house is "normal". <br />
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Good luck and hopefully your husband understands how you feel!