From A Stepson: I'm So Sorry.

My stepmom married my Dad when I was pretty young. My earliest memory of my stepmother was booby-trapping a door to make something fall on her head. I was a MEAN, spoiled little boy. When I was a teenager, I gave my stepmom attitude all the time. I was disrespectful and ungrateful.

Three things changed me.

One: My Stepmom was GOOD for my Dad. My mom and dad are both good people but they weren't right for each other. My Stepmom made my Dad what he is. She has loved him and stood by him through all kinds of trouble. I appreciate that.

Two: My Stepmom gave great advice on a lot of things. Her view of the world is simple and direct and based on good old-fashioned common sense and respect for people. I owe a lot of my success at work to my Stepmom's advice.

Three: My Stepmom once said: "If I didn't care about you, I would have let you do whatever you wanted." That made a big impression on me. It took me a long time and a lot of growing up to realize what a treasure she is.

My Stepmom is my third parent, and she contributed as much to who I am (and in some ways more) than my own Mom and Dad.

I know being a Step-parent is awful, thankless work. It's all the work and worry and responsibility of a parent with none of the gratitude or warmth or love or appreciation. I can only say "Be patient." Maybe when your kids grow up, they'll appreciate you as much as I appreciate my Stepmom.
mistercrayon mistercrayon
9 Responses Nov 21, 2011

I am a stepmum to two little boys and your forum touched me. I met my partner in 2010 and three months into our relationship my partner's ex decided she couldn't cope with 5 children so decided the boys should live with him. At the time he was living with his parents who both worked full-time so I took them and they came to live with me. Shortly after my partner and I moved in with one another. The boys call me mummy lisa and their biological mother mummy keely. She sees them every Wednesday for two hours and from 6 pm every other Friday til 8pm every other Sunday. I find it very hard because they have been with me now for three years and seeing as they were three and four when they came into my life and I potty trained the youngest I see them as my own. It is so hard to see them getting excited to go see their own mother when I'm the one doing all the hard work in bringing them up and she is getting all the glory for it and love. I just hope that they say and feel as much for me when they are older as you do for your stepmum 😃

Bless you!
I don't let my stepkids do what they want to do all the time because I really care for them..the result?!: Am a wicked stepmom

Wow, I also got teary when reading this. I've been a stepmum going on 5 years now and it's hard. My situation is nowhere near as rough as some others I've read about on this site, but it's still challenging and I certainly had no training in what works and doesn't work! I hope that one day my stepkids will feel the same way about me as you feel about your stepmum.

mistercrayon, ur post just made me tear up... well u caught me at an emotional moment but still. I guess it gives me hope, because all I wanna hear is that I am appreciated for what I do, but what I hear is how I am never good enough and I never do enough to deserve a thank you. So Thanks cause even if I don't hear it from my kid maybe I shouldn't give up just yet.

As a struggling first-time stepmother, this really touches me. It gives me hope that maybe someday I won't be the wicked witch. Thank you so much for sharing.

Wow, your post really says volumes, and I feel the same way about my step mom. ( I actually cried when reading). I have never told my step mother how I felt, but have been wanting to more and more lately since I am raising two step sons, and two of my own boys. I was a very disrespectful teenager and thought I hated her then. I too realize she has made me the successful woman I am today. I often want to call her just to ask for advise on how to handle the difficult situations I deal with now in my blended family, but I feel sheepish since I haven't apologized yet. Thank you for posting here.

How I wish that one day my step daughter would have grown to see that I only tried to do whats best for her, and I tried topic up where her biological parents were lacking. Unfortunately thats not the case and now I'm in the midst of a divorce with my husband because he can't take the stress of losing his daughter over me. The crazy thing is that I never asked him to choose I only asked that he follow through and do whats right for that family not just whats easy and right for her. I gave them every last ounce of love and energy I had and it still wasn't enough. He's leaving me by September first handmade a list of the things that he is taking.

I just loved reading this! it has given me hope! My step child is only 5yrs old at the moment, and sometimes I feel like I want to give up and that I will always be a nobody, but this honestly just lifted my spirits! thanks for sharing

I feel like a glorified babysitter most of the time. I did give up at the beginning of 2012 and walked out on my partner and my stepchildren but realised that I missed all of them too much and went back. It is so hard being a stepmum especially when the children live with you but I'm trying for them because they didnt ask to be put in a situation where their own mother didnt want to look after them full time. Good luck to u 😃

WOW. It was very nice to read your remarks. I am a stepmom who most definately is wearing out. Being an involved step parent feels like the most thankless job there ever was. I have two of my own kids and two step kids that I have been raising. Thank you for you positive comments.