Just Need Some Advice.....

I'm 28 years old and have been with my boyfriend who is 34 for almost 5 years now he has a son who is going to be15 in November. I have no children of my own but hope to one day. His son has lived with us for almost 2 years now my boyfriend has custodial custody of his son, the mother gets him 3 weekends out of the month. I considered him my stepson even though we are not married. My stepsons mother is not a problem she never has been she's always been a good mother but when my stepson was 12 he was getting into trouble at school and that is where my boyfriend stepped in and he came to live with us. I've always been there for his son, football games even practices, I've did the snack days and snack bar hours, even taken off work early to take him to the doctors if no one else could take him. I've picked him up from school because he wasn't feeling good dropped off his homework if he forgot it on the desk.

I guess this is not solely about my stepson more about my boyfriend. Mothers day was yesterday and even though I got a verbal "happy mothers day" that's all I got no gifts, no flowers, not even a card. I did not expect it from my stepson but did expect it from my boyfriend, whose son I've been feeding, clothing, cleaning up after and all the things I think a mother would do. I brought it to his attention that I was very hurt about this and it blew up into something more, we then got in to why we weren't married yet. Weve been together 5 years almost we have talked about marriage and kids and how we both want them but he always goes back to we can't afford it. I compromised with him on the children on waiting but there is no reason why we can't get married, I think even if he made the effort on just asking me to marry him it would make me the happiest girl in the world. I guess I've come to my wits end and think what if he never marries me, would I have wasted all this time putting my whole heart into this relationship. Ive gotten close to his family, sisters cousins etc and his family has gotten close to my parents, sisters, aunts and uncles. I think Ive been a pretty darn good stepmother, why don't I feel like it? I have a full time job, keep a very neat and clean house and cook 5 to 6 days out of the week. I'm getting burnt out, what should I do?
FairyStepmama FairyStepmama
1 Response May 14, 2012

sounds like you could use a break. do you have any family or friends you could spend some time with for a little bit? if you decide to do that, and your boyfriend asks you where you are going and why, you could always say that you just wanted to spend some time with whomever it is you spend time with. it also sounds like you may want to weigh the pros and cons of being with him (easier said than done, I know) and what things might need to change if you do decide to stay. personally, I am in a similar situation with my guy's family - it would be too hard to let them go, but if his family is anything like my guys, they will continue to accept you as part of their own, regardless of your relationship status (my guy's parents are still friends with his exes). <br />
by the way, even though you and your guy aren't married, you have a home together and you've been helping take care of him and his son. you don't have to be married to be a step mom, and don't have to have kids biologically to be a mom. just saying.