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Young Stepmother/ New Mother

I just turned 23 this march and this past year and a half I met Casey his two wonderful daughters and got pregnant with my amazing son. This was a shocker, but I couldnt be happier with Casey and his girls and our son. The thing is...I had a step mom too..so i thought that i knew what i was doing... I think i was wrong.
I grew up raising kids. I have a very large family so i was always babysitting and taking the kids out for activites and what not. so i knew that i was going to be a good mother, i had a great family that i was molded from and i carried that on when i babysat my family.
This though...this is not the same. I started out getting on to them when they did wrong or didnt clean up a mess, gave them chores to do...all the things, that in my family, were normal things.
It took me a while to figure out why they seemed to cold to me , even though we always did activites together, played games, went shopping. I had a long talk with their father and we worked it out. I had to realize that these girls HAVE a mother...and im not her. No matter how much it hurts...because it hurts...I have to understand that i can never be mommy to them. They have an okay mother that will only talk to me if she HAS to, and that couldnt get by without the check casey cuts her every month. Shes always saying things to the girls about me and if we have a dissagreement they kids know about it when they dont need to know about any of our adult convos.
Shes the one that told the girls that i was pregnant in a flood of tears because she was wanting to get back with Cas. Now its just this bitter "i hate you because you had what i had" attitide.
I have had to become rubber. anything she says i just have to let it bounce right off because i know that the girls are smart enough to ask for the truth from their father and that when they grow up they will see that i NEVER said one bad thing about their mother to them and she was the one that always had to be negitive. I had to understand that I get to be their for the girls that she cant be. I can the open door when they need a place to just go and talk if they need to without worrying about being punished. I do not let them walk all over me. they still have to do their chores and yes i have to make them sometimes, but its Casey and his ex that have to be the bad guy when they need punishment. Its not always easy, and it takes ALOT of prayer, and most of all understanding.
Understanding how their mother feels about dropping her girls off with a now whole new family with some lady in there playing "her role"
Understanding that its going to take time for them to really open up and feel safe with me.
Understanding that that might not even happen and to be okay with that.
Understanding that Casey is doing what he can to make all of us feel loved while being in the middle of all of this.
Yet sometimes....I just cant breath. Is this just to much for me?
youngmom3 youngmom3 22-25 1 Response May 15, 2012

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I honestly cried when i read this. I am in a very similar situation. Except, there are four kids involved. The younger two adore me, but the older two sometimes act like i am Satan because I am doing everything that their mom is suppose to be doing.. she walked out on all of them and only has anything to do with them because my fiance makes her. I just hate being treated like crap by the oldest because she seems to think that she should get to make all the rules. She gets made when me and her daddy change anything. she has a shrine to her dead beat mom in her room. And she wants to put pictures of her moms family all over the house. Her dad has tried to explain that it is my and gis houae. And that it is her home. She also never gets punished. it drives me crazy..