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Will This Work

I have been a stepmum for over 7 months and slowly realising that perhaps I should have thought more about not only making a commitment to my husband but the ties I made to his child and family. I have been involved with them for over 6 years and can safely saw that nothing has changed with regard our relationship, respect from child and too make matters worse the grandparent overrules my husband all the time as well as the bio mother. I have invested lots of time into helping my stepchild develop as a person as when I first came into the picture she was neglected by her bio mother examples being missed appointments, constant headline, lack of hygiene, no haircuts etc but through time I have been the one to teach her the basics of cleaning her teeth everyday, wearing deodorant, even to the point of getting her first training bra...but what I get back in return is a child who is withdrawn all the time due to the attachment issues she has and I presume the home environment with bio mum. I am starting to feel emotionally drained by it all and dread the weekends, have tried talking to my husband but it's hard for him to put himself in my shoes. Can honestly say that the you can never feel the true bond with your stepchild as your not a bio parent. If I could turn back the clock I may have made a different decision but then I know deep down I love my husband deeply but never comprehended the long term commitment of taking on someone else's child.
Sazzle12 Sazzle12 26-30 1 Response May 15, 2012

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Dear Sazzle12 I have been a step mother for 5 years and around the family for 6. I have heard that it takes about 7 years for the new family to get used to a step parent and a whole life time to keep working on the situation. You need to know this up front. It sounds like you have done well with this little life that you are poring your self into. You will never change the situation much so you need to try to do what you can for the child and make peace with yourself. No one can undo the good that you have done and will do and after all this child will be a blessing. Separate the relationship between yourself and the child and that child and their parents. My husband has 3 grown children and their spouses and a bunch of grand kids. I must share him always. I am ok with this and am close to many people. I decided that I was looking for love in all the wrong places and have lowered my expectations for some of this family and fill my need for love from those who love me and my other close friends. This is realistic and a bit sad but I think pretty normal. I doubt if I will get much closer to the grown children but we do just fine and I am very close to all of the little ones and spouses are OK also. I have tried really hard with this. Don't give up. You may contact me if you need to talk more about this.