So Lost

About 2 1/2 years ago I moved in with now my husband. He had a child from a previous relationship, and got custody over the boy. His ex wasn't interessted in the child at all. So the boy was just over 2 years old, and today he can't remember her at all, she was and is 100% absent in his lfie.
She didn't work and would dose the little boy with medication to make him sleep, so she can get drunk and stoned. My husband used to work 12 hour shifts at the time and wasn't aware of this untill a neighbour told him.
Long story short, he broke up with her, got custody and we got together, and we have a girl together.
I used to sit up with this little boy through withdrawls because the medication has stopped. This poor child couldn't say two words and he was 2 years old, because he would sleep his life over.
Today he's just over 4 years old, doesn't remember her, but I have the hardest time with him. I honestly try my best, and it seems that even though he doesn't remember her, he somehow knows I not his biological mother. He's still very young, we never tell him I'm not his mother, and he'll treat me very ugly at times. Everyone who knew her, said the difference in the boy is amazing, but they don't know how this child is with me.
Since we got together, we put the boy in a chreche, he's doing sports, he can talk properly now...
I often cry out of frustration, really feel like I'm loosing here...
Verlore Verlore
31-35, F
Aug 21, 2012