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Stepdaughter And Bm Nightmare

My stepdaughter and her mother are a bloody nightmare. Drama, lies, bitching, email attacks. I am told by Stepdaughter that i cannot speak in my own home. She bursts into floods of tears and wails at the top of her voice if anyone tries to talk to her about a problem they have with her behaviour. She runs back to her mother and tells complete lies and gets the sympathy then BM starts her ridiculous claims. I have done my bit to make a relationship with the Stepdaughter (almost 18) but she just 'wants her old daddy back' - that's the unhappy one before we married. I.e. she wants him without me there. To think that I wasted my time trying to bond with her, buying her make up, lending her my clothes and helping with her terrible hair. Complete waste of time. Her brother aged 12 lives with us and we get on fine. Why can't she and her mother just go away? Tired of it all. I'm sure I will get messages from stepkids having a go at me but fgs I have tried to be non intrusive and just friendly, I don't interfere with her relationship with her father. In fact i've encouraged him to do more stuff with and for her but nothing short of me disappearing will make her happy. I think it's a pact between her and BM to get my husband back. All they are doing is throwing us closer together. Stupid people.
Tuffluck Tuffluck 46-50, F 4 Responses Nov 7, 2012

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Agree, 100% with all of this and the responses. Problems are created when you have a vile, vindictive BM and a Father who does not expect respect and set boundaries. If the bio mum is normal, then a neutral tone, or even better, can be set. If the father does not allow his partner to be disrespected and sets boundaries, then all will prob be fine. This is what happened to me when my ex and I divorced. My kids have a great stepmother (I have no interaction with her, but my kids told me she was great, did things for them and so on, so I was very happy about it). My ex set boundaries and is good with discipline. My children have grown up very well, with great jobs and a healthy outlook on life. I was then in a relationship for eight yrs with 3 young adult stepchildren. Their mother I had no need of interaction with, but was/is by all accounts, very nice. Their father (my ex) was strict. These kids grew up very effective, happy adults and they all have super good jobs and 2 have kids too. We are still very much in touch. Fast forward to present. My husband is adorable (but a pushover in one of his sons' words) did not back me up on discipline/boundaries causing a lot of bad feeling and disrespect not just of me, but of him too. Their BM is truly appalling. Vindictive, nasty, jealous - she tries to continually assassinate my character. Only recently, now the whole "family" has imploded over their behaviour has he started to back me up. And only time will tell if that lasts. And his kids now won't speak to him, and say he is ganging up with me against them. Needless to say, they are in low paid jobs only the eldest has moved and he can hardly afford rent etc etc. Step up bio fathers and vindictive ex wives - it is YOU who are ruining your children's future NOT the stepmothers.

ugh stories like this make me quite happy that momma is not around anymore. I've heard she was a psycho nightmare ....wonder where SD got it from?

Kick her out of your home she is 18 (if she has graduated) you have no legal requirements to provide for her..she will end of destroying your marriage. It's a very tough job being a stepmother..When you start hating life because of the bm the only thing you can do is start the countdown til they are 18. Yes bm will still be around at special occasions but its the daily struggle you as a stepmom have to endure and no one will ever understand your pain until they have been in our shoes. Your husband needs to support the end you will be the one by your husbands side while his children will have their own lives.

I am very sorry that you are in this situation but thank you for posting this. I was a stepmother until very recently and decided after years into the relationship not to make any efforts any longer as I was continuously scrutinized and judged harshly in spite of my interest and love for them. Normal right? So far maybe. I ended up being attacked physically by a SD who was under the influence of drugs. And I stayed and guess didn't get better. My H started insisting that I "forgive her" when I insisted that it wasn't safe to have her in our home. I finally had enough after almost 20 years and started researching this phenomena. It appears pretty common place, with Dad somehow sanctioning it. One of my SDs told me after she grew up that she manipulated the situation and always knew that she could do whatever she wanted and that she "rescued" him whenever we fought, manipulating him. I imagine that he formed alliences with his children because of his unresolved conflicts with me. Mature no? It is not healthy and I finally decided I wanted a less chaotic lifestyle. I loved their father but not enough to continue with the crazy making dynamics. I tried everything: distancing, detaching, mothering, bribing, counseling. Unless the biological parents do not endorse their children's behavior and set boundaries, this phenomena will repeat itself.