I Am A Stepmother - And I Learned To Like It

A while back, I posted a story discussing my negative feelings regarding being a stepmother. I really, really hated it and did not like my stepson at all. It has been a journey, but I can finally say that I enjoy my role as a stepmom and have come to love my stepson. My acceptance began when I (with the help of a wonderful therapist) realized exactly where those feelings were coming from and how I could change those feelings. It seems cliched, but I was projecting perceptions I learned as a child onto my stepson - essentially making him a scapegoat for all of the early patterns of my life. For example, when I was a child, it was made very clear to me that I was of less value to my family because I was a girl. I resented my stepson subconsciously because he was a son - and an only son at that. Those feelings raised a protective instinct so I became hypersensitive when it came to my daughters. It cultivated an us-against-him mentality that was illogical but powerful. Fortunately for our family, I am mindful of my feelings and don't allow my past to dictate my present or my future. I'm not perfect and neither is he, but at least we love each other.
EternalCynic EternalCynic
41-45, F
1 Response Nov 24, 2012

I'm happy for you. I dream of one day bonding with my sd. Shes 18 now and I hope living on her own next year will force her to grow up quick. I'm not old enough to be her mother and I resent baby-sitting an overgrown child all the time who I have nothing in common with! I really hope you have happiness and peace in your family from here on out