Ask Sd To Do Something???

I have a 6 yr old SD who is in the 1st grade and lives in our home at least 2-5 days a week. My husband and I have two children of our own who are under 3 yrs old. I stay at home and do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, homework, etc. My question/concern is this: my SD does NOTHING to help out or contribute around the house. My husband expects her to do nothing- not even make her own bed in the morning. She sits around watching tv or follows him around like a puppy dog. With her at her age I am beginning to feel more and more like a maid every time I am expected to clean up after her. Occasionally I do ask her to do something very small, like take the dirty napkins to the washer after dinner, but she then has to be asked and reminded several times before doing it and doing it properly.

I'm wondering what little chores around the house I could ask her to start doing and make her responsibility on a daily basis? My husband has no problem with her having chores, but he doesn't want to be the one to assign them or make sure they get done. At this point, my 2 yr old son does more to help me than she does. The child will not even brush her own hair in the morning!

I just don't want to be made out to be the 'evil step mother'.
BronzeMedal BronzeMedal
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Simply put - you're going to be. Your man wants to be the good buddy and you are going to have to basically be the only one doing any parenting - which is especially ridiculous since she isn't even yours. Perhaps you should try a technique I read about called "disengaging". It means that if the kid leaves her stuff on the floor, you throw it out. If she doesn't make her bed, you take the blankets. If she disrespects you, you walk away and do NOTHING for her. If her father wants her to have blankets to sleep under and keep her clothes and toys from winding up in the trash, he will have to get off his *** and do some parenting. Nothing is worse than when a parent wants to play "good cop, bad cop" with his significant other in parenting. And he's not doing that kid any favors by spoiling her and not teaching her to care for herself in any way.

Thank you, good advice! I have been doing some of this in the past few weeks. When clothes don't make it in the hamper, they don't get washed. If they don't get put away, they end up laying all over the dresser and floor. I'm taking away anything that lays out for days on end and throw away all the junky toys and papers that accumulate in our kitchen and her room. If she is asked to do something and it doesn't get done, I leave the mess for my husband to clean up after.
Funny thing is, we had an argument about this stuff two weekends ago and her father told me that he doesn't know what to do with her and doesn't have time to figure it out.