It's A Modern Family Dynamic

I love my stepsons. I really do. Our family is very very mixed. It's a convoluted story, but here I go.

First Stepson: My husband and his girlfriend were young and stupid and got pregnant in high school. That's where my oldest stepson came from. Hubby and girlfriend didn't last as a couple, they were young and under pressure, but they co-parented well and to this day we have wide-open access to my 16 year old stepson, a wonderful friendship with oldest stepson's mom and stepdad, and we consider their daughter, my oldest stepson's little half sister, as a niece. It's how all these situations should go, it's a dream... But then...

Second Stepson: When hubby was 22 he met a feisty gal and they dated and went through a relationship on fast forward (you know zero to living together in two months flat). But it was *young love* and she was the polar opposite of my shy, quiet hubby... And they weren't careful and got preggo. Poor hubby, he says he thought he was being punished for being stupid and not using adequate protection, And, well, yes, he was and it was his own fault.

Anyhow, she proceeds to turn into Preg-zilla and smokes, and occasionally drinks while pregnant. She even smoked marijuana a couple times (we found out much much later). She didn't eat properly, gained too much weight, and basically partied like a rockstar instead of growing her child in a healthy way.
Hubby, his parents, her parents, their friends, staged interventions, tried to put a stop to her Preg-zilla ways, to no avail. And then stepson #2 was born, seemingly healthy.
After two months it became apparent he was very, very sick indeed, and this poor little guy spent the first year of his life in and out of hospitals around the country, while my husband was beside himself with terror at losing his baby boy to this horrible illness he was born with. Mom-zilla? She was there, sometimes. She often left hubby at home or at the hospital alone that first terrible year because she couldn't handle the pressure of her sick baby and the blame everyone placed on her. That year culminated in baby boy getting an organ transplant and bouncing back to robust good health in a way that still constantly pleases and surprises his doctors. Hubby quickly left Mom of the Year, taking baby boy with him.

I came along a few years later and baby boy lives with us full time, occasionally seeing Mom of the Year when it doesn't interfere with her social, nomadic lifestyle. He's almost 13 years old now, I have been his stepmom, and for all intents and purposes, his mom, since he was 6. I absolutely love this boy, more than I ever imagined I could.

Baby boy has giant scars across his midsection from his transplant. He takes immuno-suppressants every day and will forever. He also has learning disabilities, mild mental disabilities, some from all the drugs he was on as a baby, some from Preg-zilla and her magical mystery tour through pregnancy. He also has ADHD and is on the autism spectrum.

I wish to god he had been my child so he could have had a chance to be born healthy. But I love him, my hubby absolutely adores him and lives with constant un-ending guilt that he didn't grow a spine and try something more to make Preg-zilla respect her unborn child.

Our oldest is a bright, polite, friendly kid with the world at his feet and a strong four-parent team behind him encouraging him. My baby boy is affectionate, sweet, energetic, and silly and he makes everyone who meets him love him. He has a team of family and friends who will always support him and unfortunately a mother who sucks.

My hubby gets a lot of the blame for the way things went, trust me, he knows it, I know it, it's not all Mom-zilla's fault, but he never left baby boy's side and never will. And finally made a good choice with me (just to toot my own horn haha).
Mom-zilla hates me, she thinks I "stole" her baby boy, that I judge her harshly and that I blame her for everything. Maybe I do. Really, I try not to think about her unless I have to. We never EVER speak ill of her around baby boy because he is being taught to respect people, and we will respect his mother, no matter how much I want to scream from the rooftops that she is a horrible, selfish monster. But, she brought baby boy into the world, and for that, I thank her.

So our mixed family is very very mixed, mostly happy, and strong - I am a stepmother and that is my story.
Bigbadollie Bigbadollie
26-30, F
Jan 12, 2013