I have been with my partner for three months and have met his three and a half year old son. His mother has recently come to my partner and asked him if he would like to have him full time which he does and i am more than happy for him too as he has been waiting for this day to come for years. I am very scared and i love my partner and his son but i feel as though i have no one i can turn to to ask for advice. I am very scared in the fact he will have to rely on me alot as there is no family around to help and i have a very demanding job. My partner has come to me asking if this is really what i want and to be honest i really dont know .... I need some help please!!!
An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Wow, he sounds like a real jerk! For all you were considering giving up? Thank god you didnt waste your time, energy or your youth on someone who clearly isnt worth it! Good for him i guess to focus on his son but... idk still seems pretty *bleeped* up to me.

Hi all

Thankyou for your advice.

it ended up coming down to this..... He got his son full time on friday and told me we were done!!! I was so confused, had no idea what i did wrong. He said his son is his number one priority and that he needs to focus on himself also. After everything i helped him with it was pretty easy to just erase me from his life. So after him telling me that i thought i would give it a couple of days and let things cool down. NO!! he will not answer my calls or msgs or anything its over just like that...

Raising your soon to be step child is the easy part..having to deal with the bio moms is generally always the problem and cause of the break up. It sounds to me as If the bio mom isn't planning on being around but that can always change, then you have to sacrifice your own life so that she can take half his Check in child support. Walk away. The best advise I can offer is do not ever be with a man with baggage (kids and a bio mom)..even if you love him as you know there are too many ppl out in this world to put your self in this position you will fall in love again. If I could go back in time I would have walked away but now I have kids myself and don't want to ruin my children's life..

I am just going to come out and say this: 3 months with a person is not enough time to decide whether you're willing to help them raise a child that isn't even yours. You must realize that raising kids is a whooole lot of work and that since you're not the one who's raised him thus far he is probably going to have a lot of habits that you don't like and wouldn't have raised your own to have. His father is almost definitely going to wind up telling you you're selfish if you don't pour your whole heart and soul into helping him raise this kid. And most of all, if the kid gets used to you and then you realize you can't do it and have to walk away, you're going to break that kid's heart. If you are already living with your guy and you move the little one in, he is going to get used to that situation and you will struggle very hard with your guilt if you decide you have to get out of the relationship.

Best advice is this: Take it slow, don't move in together as a family right away, get to know the kid and get to know what kind of parent your partner is, THEN try living as a family only if/when you feel comfortable. You may find the child or the way your guy parents to be intolerable in ways you'd never dreamed possible. Just be careful. It's a big responsibility and a lot of work and new emotions will be involved.


Thankyou for your advice, i think taking things slow is the way to go as it will be a massive change. I am only 22 years old and never thought i would have to take on the duty of being a mother so quick. We get his son in one weeks time