Rules And Boundaries???

Background: I have a daughter of my own and my BF has two daughters himself. They are all 2 years apart. 5 - 7 - 9. One would say its the perfect age range and it is. They all play together and get along as children do (fights here and there).

Stories: My BF 9 yr old is a well behaved child and can take her around with out a problem. Now his 5 yr old... is the one that has prompted me to write this story and ask these questions. She is a sweet, loving, and full of energy. Yet somewhere there is a lose wire (or wires). When things don't go her way the whole day..... and I mean the WHOLE day is ruined. She has the tendency to smack her old sister; has hit my daughter with a wooden spoon until she got the toy off her hands; will yell back at her dad if he doesn't do what she wants; and has slapped me in the face before..... BUT no one is allowed to do anything back at her. With all that said.... she sounds horrible but I know deep down she is a child earning for attention and love she's not getting. However, I believe limits should be set. So as a last scenario... one day I was organizing their room and I asked her to please step aside or put something away. Her response: no.. I ask again kindly... her response: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right infront of my daughter. Now if that was my daughter... smack straight to her mouth... But she's not so all I do is Raise my voice like an adult and say "YOU DO NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!" Right there and then her dad shows.

Since then , he and I have fought so much about the kids. He has not brought them over since that day. Given they live in NY but not even for xmas break or holidays prior to that. He didn't even want to celebrate Christmas with us. I asked why and his response was that why would he... I was rude to his child, and how could he pretend to act like a family if its no longer there since I yelled at his kid.

Feelings: I feel horrible that he thinks I "yelled" at his kid but quite frankly I'm not sorry. Why would I be? His daughter is bullying everyone in the house and I think someone needs to set limits. Now I know Im not their mom but I can't let her continue to disrespect, me or my daughter, or others around us. I feel bad when she hits her older sister or gets her in trouble bc she's not getting what she wants. Not to mention when she hits my daughter???!

Questions: Did I do wrong in speaking to her affirmatively? Is my husband right in feeling that I disrespected his daughter and was mean? What are the boundaries and limits as a step parent in disciplining a step child? In my case I can't even do time out bc he says they'll say I'm locking them up alone to their mom.... I'm not married.... Should I not even bother with this relationship?

It has been a big damper in every aspect of our relationship together since the situation. Help!


Lost new Step Mom....
calileya08 calileya08
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

Run like hell.