My husband and I have been married for 6 years, together for 8 total. We were friends in high school. We reunited as friends before he and the ex split up. He has 2 girls with her, who are now 12 and 10. We have 2 daughters together, 4 and almost 2. We have custody of my stepdaughters and have since they were 3 and 20 months. My stepdaughters and I are very close. They call me "mom" by their own choice. They started to call me mommy when they were young, but bio mom had a fit with that. Now that they are older she's having a fit about them calling me mom.  She's not very active in their lives and missed a lot when they were younger. Now that she is settled down and married she sees them regularly for visitation but still doesn't know much about them. Now that their lives are becoming busier with their own extra cirricular committments we've been running into lots of problems. It's taking it's toll on me and hubby's marriage. I'm starting to question if I can keep this up? Did I make a mistake? Am I cut out for this?????

StepmomWho StepmomWho
3 Responses Feb 18, 2009

BM lives 3 hours away and thinks she only needs to be involved when she chooses. There are practices and such on her weekends but because it's her time she thinks it doesn't apply. When competitions arise on her weekend, if she isn't busy and wants to go then everything is supposed to point at her so she can be the star, but if she chooses not to neither we or SDs are suppose to say anything to her. It's ridiculous that the courts let these mothers get away with it but if it were the father, he'd be in jail.

i am sort of in the same predicament. i have a 3yr old stepson and a 1yr old step daughter. the step daughter we just fount out about so she hasn't been around the last year. but now that we know about her we are going to have her a lot more. but my stepson...thats another story. ive been with his father since he was 3 months old. when he started talking he started calling me mommy on his one told him to call me a matter of fact everyone called me by my name until about a year ago. hi bio mom found out because my stepson was visiting with her, which is a rare thing, and he called her by her first name. so naturaly she was really mad. but my husband just had to tell her how it is. ive been around her son and done more for her son than she has his whole life and thats just what he is used to. let me ask you a there a visitation schedule set up by the courts?

It's always hard when they are not your bio children.. but at the end of the day you are the one that has been the mother to them not their bio mother, im sure they appreciate you a lot more then her.. can you come up with some sort of compromise so that its their bio mum taking them to and from their extra activites then you wont be feeling so worn out?