A couple of months ago my longtime boyfriend and I moved in together. I have a 14yo son and he has a 6 soon to be 7 yo daughter.
I never thought I would enjoy having a little girl so much! Don't get me wrong I love my son to pieces but the shopping and playing are so much more fun.
The merging of households has been quite an ordeal and I went from the fun girlfriend to being a step-Mom and disciplinarian.
My son on the other hand isn't fairing as well and seems to be constantly challenging both of our authority. He hasn't had a Dad since he was 1 and now here's another man coming in adding to rules and helping with discipline. Both son and boyfriend have a good relationship I just think it's all the changes that are causing problems.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
RoosMom RoosMom
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 28, 2014

add me darling

You have to be firm and fair, and if either son or daughter don't so what Mom or Shawn says then they should be sent to fetch the belt, you have to clamp down early.

We are very firm and punishment is swift, use a belt or our hands depending on the severity of the misbehavior. I think Riley is having a hard time with all the change at home, being a freshman and puberty. More than punishment he needs us to listen and be there for him.

I sympathise enormously having been in the same situation. In our case it concerned three teenagers...my son 16 and daughter 13; my wife's son aged 14. My son was fine, the latter two were not. In fact my new step-son later admitted that he did his best to split us up. In this he failed miserably!
Being adolescent and with their hormones running amok, they found that our remarriage was an ideal excuse for everything that went wrong for them. We were blamed for everything short of having started World War Two.

I wish I could tell you that there was an instant solution but I don't think that it exists. Instead my wife and I drew the wagons into a circle and determined that we would meet provocation with a (frequently forced) sweet reasonableness.
We also decided never to offer the advice we knew would be ignored anyway. Instead we talked them into looking at the pro's and con's of a course of action and leaving it up to them to choose. That way there was no comeback if it went wrong, but we were always there to pick up the pieces afterwards.
Of course there were times when we seriously considered either the annihilation of both of them or at the very least selling them into white slavery. It took the best part of a very trying year before our patience and the settling down of their hormones began to take effect. They then did start to become civil to each other and even to us. Later they told us that our apparent patience and commitment just wore them down.
We now await with a certain amount of glee to see how they cope with their own adolescent children but hoping they have not forgotten how we tried to cope with them.

It's good to hear that there is actually light at the end of the tunnel. Oddly enough Riley and Shawn got along wonderfully up until we merged households and then Riley just decided he didn't have to behave. Shawn and I both talk before meting out discipline on most things, obviously there are in the moment issues that come up but we do make sure the kids know that we've discussed and agreed on their punishment. I think puberty and starting high school aren't helping things.