Frustrated Stepmom

ok so im new to this but i need someone to talk to that can relate.

first off...me and my husband have been married since october 2008. We have been together for three years total. when i got together with him he had a 3 month old baby boy. i instantly fell in love with this child and he instantly clung to me. He is now 3 and calls me mommy. he lives with my husband and i and sees his biological mother every now and then.

my problem is that the biological mother has always hated me and made sure it was known. she makes things hard for my husband and it took a long time for us to get the courts to give my husband and i full custody. now that we have that she won't take him on the every other weekend schedule the judge ordered. that in its own is frustrating.

my next dilema is that we just recently found out that my husband also has a daughter by this same woman. He cheated on me before we were engaged. i love him with all my heart and we are trying to work on the problems. well, ever since we found out about his daughter the biological mom has become even worse. She tells my husband she is not his daughter, then she will tell him he can't see his daughter until her and i talk so she can tell me the she is HER daughter, then she tells him he won't see his daughter until they go back to court in may. This is very frustrating to me because i see my husband hurting. i have tried communicating with her but she just calls me a b**ch and hangs up or doesn't return a email.

im very frustrated and out of ideas. im not sure what to do, or if there is even anything i can do.

thanks for reading this and if you have any suggestions or words of wisdom please please please comment!

stepmommyof2 stepmommyof2
18-21, F
10 Responses Mar 13, 2009

well to update on the stepchildren...<br />
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I work at a law office and decided that my husband couldn't keep doing things on his own so he agreed to get a lawyer if i could pull some strings and make it affordable. He now has an awesome lawyer who is going to take the bio mom to the cleaners. lol. No i know it is not a laughing matter but i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing my husband won't be getting screwed yet again by this b**ch. Right now we are playing games with her on when we get to see Ralissa, my husbands 1 year old daughter, and that is going to come to an end real soon. The lawyer is filing a temporary parenting plan that should be in effect as of next week. Matt will be getting every other week with ralissa and the bio mom won't be able to do anything about it. the bio mom also recently said that she is probably going to be moving to california and taking ralissa with her. well little does she know she can't do that! she will find out soon enough. so things are starting to look up lately and i wanted to update everyone on whats going on.

Very true. Men are men. Women in nature follow our hearts. Its really funny Steven and I when we went to our Padre (minster) He had us do find out how our love languages and how we different in the way we give and recieve. The test was to see what we like and how we like our partner to show love to us. It was amazing to see how similar yetr different we were in the ways we express ourselves. Then we found out he is and intervert and I am an extervert. Because he stops and thinks about everything and I just blurt it our. Lol, I learned at the end of the day none of us are perfect and we all have our faults. Even me. little miss perfect.lol x

yea i think counceling will be very good for us. we love each other with all our hearts but sometimes we don't communicate well and it would help for us to get some tools. and i feel like he cheated because he wanted to make sure he really wanted to be with me. i don't think he was so sure of himself. he had the tie with her because of my stepson and i think he didn't know what to do because he felt these feelings for me and yet had a kid with someone else. and yea...thats the first thing i said to him when i found out. i asked him what he was thinking and he said i don't know. then i told him he wasn't thinking with the right head. lol.

Bless, I found counseling helped allot and explained allot about us to eachother. maybe stuff we took for granted or our different ways to communicate or express ourselves. I know they say once a cheater allways a cheater. But we were not married at the tiem Steven cheated either so i felt maybe he needed to get it out of his system before we got married or something and at the time he also went back to his ex. Luckily they didn't have children at the time. Because he said she wasn't the one and when they had sex it was just to get off and nothing else. Lol Typical man thinking with his head below the belt instead of the one carrying his brain.lol x

i agree fully with you squadiwife. my husband and i are happy now and we are going to work things out not just because we love each other but we both believe that marriage isn't just something you throw away. and we vowed FOR BETTER OR WORSE, and thats the way it is going to stay. i am currently looking for a good marriage counselor because there are things i would like to talk about with my husband that he just doesn't understand so my line of thinking is maybe if there is another person there...someone who isn't partial... we might get something accomplished. and i agree on the kids thing. My step son for sure would be devistated if i didn't come home anymore. the two of us are attached at the hip. my step daughter is still trying to get used to me but it would only confuse her more if i left.

Thats good. Myabe you guys can try and go see a counslor. I do agre that you shouldn't let yourself be walked on or treated badly but I also think that there is way to high of a divorce rate in America because the littlest things can happen and people walk away and don't try and make them work. When you get married you take a vow and if your regloious than the meaning will mean differently then if your not so i guess that is up to each person. YOU and your husband seem really happy now. So why would you throw it all away and the cheating took place before you were married and there are kids involved that are not your and if you walked out. You walk out on them and that could be devasting.x

well thank you for all the support. its kinda what i need right now because i don't feel like im getting it from anyone. my whole family just keeps talking about how they don't want to see me get hurt and make a mistake...which i understand since they are my family...but i have not had one of them say how strong i am and how they are glad i can be so forgiving. and i understand where riannon69 is coming from on not wanting to put up with any crap, and trust me if i didn't love him and it wouldn't be so hard for me to leave him because of that i would have already been out the door. and dont get me wrong....if it happens again trust me...no matter how much it breaks my heart...i will be gone and he can do whatever the hell he pleases. but for now im sticking by my husband and we are going to work things out

Riannon69 that comment wasn't left for you and in no means was targeted at you. I'm sorry if you took it that way. I was giving her advice from what I read and thought just how your entitled to.x

Your right. Allot of people have allot to say about what they would do I am finding. My husband cheated before we were married and you know I forgave him and were stronger for it and I am stronger to. Hes the one I love and until you've been with a man and are in love with him and he cheats than you speak what you feel at present. Everyone is different and that is why divorce rate in America is so high because everyone runs to get divorces for stupid things. I'm glad you haven't just gave up hope and you and your husband are making and effort to work things out. Even if it was years ago that this happend.x

thank you for your advice. i work in a legal office and plan to talk to the family law lawyer in my office. and yea i have had a lot of people tell me i am way stronger than they are and there are days i wonder if i made a mistake but then he does something that makes me remember why im still here. i still love him but dont get me wrong....i am very angry with him

I would go speak to a lawyer oe someone with legal Aide with your husband and see where you stand. I wouldn't worry about your little boy because at the end of the day your his mommy. You've taken care of him. You know the saying anyone can be a mom but it takes someone special to be a mommy. Keep your chin up and remember this women has found out the grass is greener on the side side and didn't realize what she lost until it was gone. So just iqnore her the best you can and never play into her B.S.x