My Story Right Sucks!

I have been looking for a place where I could vent my feelings of frustration and ask for advice from people who are in or going through the same things that I am.

I have been married for less than a year. Why didn't anyone tell me how crappy the first year of marriage is? All we do is fight with each other. Now throw in the fact that when I married my husband I got his "baggage" that he had from before. Including his half of the things that he had from his previous marriage. This also meant having to deal with his ex-wife and her 4 year old son, now my stepson.

We dated for a year before we got married, but looking back I wonder if we dated long enough. Oh, well. Right? What is done is done. I have not been married before, and I don't have any kids of my own.

Though I came pretty close to being engaged to my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. I decided that I didn't want to marry him and he married someone else really soon after that. He now has two kids and that's the last that I heard. I hope he is happy with his new life. Of course, he didn't have to do the whole stepparent thing like I do.

It's especially hard when your stepson has a speech disorder and is 4 years old and still not potty trained. We work on it when he comes over to visit us, but that's only about once or twice a week. I feel like I'm baby sitting. I try to have traditions and things, but my husband really could care less. (Which is driving me crazy!) My stepson's mom said that he falls asleep every night to drinking chocolate milk while watching a movie on the TV they have for him in his room. Is that why he cried when we had him overnight and I wanted to read him a bed time story and sing him a song? He's going to be a perfectly trained couch potato by the time he is in kindergarten. I hope she is proud.

To top everything off, she is having another baby with her boyfriend whom she just moved in with. She finally told us less than a month before she will be going into the hospital. Which means, that she was pregnant before we even got married.

Since she moved and took her son with her, we all have to find him a new preschool to go to and daycare provider, and she said that she only wants to go to parent teacher conferences with her ex husband/my husband. She doesn't want to go with her boyfriend and she doesn't want my husband to go with me. I think that's stupid since we are all involved in her son's life, and we all might have different questions to ask his teacher.

Sorry to vent. I'm just having a really hard time trying to deal with all of this on top of going to school full time and working. Life really sucks right now. I am so busy I don't even have time to clean the apartment, and you would think that my husband would get a clue and help me out instead of having unrealistic expectations that I am "supposed to" clean and cook and cater to his every whim. No wonder he got divorced before if that's how he treated his ex too. He sure didn't treat me like this when we were dating.

All he does now is get up late in the morning. Go to work. Come home. Turn on the TV to either 1. Sports 2. Animal Planet/Discovery Channel 3. The News or 4. Late Night TV. Eat dinner. Stay up late watching TV. Then go to bed and do the same thing all over again.

I will give him some credit though. Sometimes he helps by taking out the trash or doing dishes. He told my mom that he treats me "really well." Well, I'd like to know his definition of that because it doesn't seem to be the same as mine. Expecting me to clean the rest of the apartment is not fair when I have so much on my plate already. My question is why can't he help?  

Another thing that is bothering me is that he said that we "can't afford" to get each other things for Valentines Day. It's not like I'm expecting the cliched chocolates, flowers, giant teddy bear, balloons, and candy. I just want him to show that he actually is still interested in, cares about, and loves me, for more than just sex. I told him that he could do something creative and I would be fine with that. I even gave him an example of helping me clean the apartment, but all he said was that he "wasn't creative enough to think of anything."

 Any suggestions on what you have done or would do if you were in my shoes right now? I just want/need someone to talk to that knows what I'm going through.

TerrificAndLovingStepMom TerrificAndLovingStepMom
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 13, 2010

Thanks! I was having a really bad day when I wrote that. Since then, I have talked to my husband about helping me out more and he is getting better. Sometimes I think I sign myself up for too many things and it stresses me out a lot! I don't think I will take as many classes as I have this semester. I wasn't married the last time I took this many, but now I'm discovering that I need to lessen my work load so I can stop loosing so much needed sleep. Thanks again!

Hi Terrific, sorry to say this but it seems you are venting more about the Hubby than the step son. 1st year of marriage is hard, especially when you have so many responsibilities. Sounds like the ex is immature, I agree that you should be as involved with your stepson as the biological parents. I guess the only advice I can give is talk more to your husband. Might need to do a lot of talking. good luck