Childless Stepmom

10 months ago I got together with a man with 2 children ages 1 & 2 I love them with all my heart.I'm almost 21 years old and have been trying for a baby for a few years first with my ex husband and now with my fiancee.I wan't a child of my own so much i love my fiancees kids but it doesnt fill the void for my own i resent the boys mother becuse she was able to give my fiancee something i couldnt it truely upsets me to even be around a new born and its hard for me to shop for childrens clothes just knowing the newborn clothes are so close.Every month i cry hysterically when no ones around I just dont know what to do my pain is beginning to effect all parts of my life and relationship with my fiancee and bond with my two step children.The boys call me momma jessica and sometimes mommy their bio mom has a boyfriend they call daddy mark so initally this wasnt my idea to be called mommy jessica or mommy but I love it i understand i will never be their real mom and it hurts a bit to knowing that i had no part of these great little boys genes i have a lot of issues can anyone give me some peace of mind or advise

jessicajones813 jessicajones813
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 27, 2010

I understand exactly how you feel, I have also been with my partner for ten months and we have been trying for a baby. I to cry hysterically every month and all the stress is starting to affect our relationship, and the relationship I have with my stepchildren (as of Sunday they hate me). Their mother can't stand that my partner and I are happy (most of the time) and has been trying to break us up. I really do feel for you as I know exactly what you are going through. My partner does not understand the fear, annger and hurt bought about by Aunt flow every month...he has kids so that void has been filled for him.

I am not in your situation but I feel you. Know that everything happens for a reason. Did you know stress can affect you from getting pregnant? yes, it can. Maybe it's not time yet. Just give it some time and don't stress yourself over this too much. GO to the doctor if you really want to become pregnant. Do your best and talk to your husband about how you are feeling. (: <br />
<br />
When you do have your children, please don't treat your stepchildren different. That will be so sad. But uhm..stay strong. You'll do okay.