But Want To Be Weak Sometimes

I am a strong woman. I'm independent, self-sufficient, can handle lots of things on my own, can make decisions and act on them, have a career and a good salary and can provide for myself and my parents. I'm also much better with technical stuff and software than most of my male friends and acquaintances so most of the time it is them who come to me for help and not the other way around. I can work with a hammer and a chainsaw (and its a lot of fun too). And I'm not a man-like woman (thought I'd mention it just in case).
Do I enjoy it? Yes. Am I proud of myself about it? Yes. But there is a 'but' involved.
I'm all the above because I have to do lots of stuff on my own, I learned a lot of the above so I wouldn't have to rely on strangers and pay big money to have something done. I grew a 'shell' on me to protect myself from negativity, because at the moment there's nobody that can protect me when I'm vulnerable.  And you know what? (that's where the 'but' comes in). I would love to feel like I don't have to be a strong woman all the time. I would love to rely on a strong shoulder beside me and not worry about a lot of things and let someone else make some decisions for a change. I would easily give up my independence if a right person came along.

A friend once told me that I should 'play vulnerability' or else I would chase away all men in sight with my independent attitude (though I don't advertise my independence and don't rub it into everyone's faces). But it's sad for me to think that I should pretend to be someone I'm not in order to find that special someone.
SunnySmile SunnySmile
31-35, F
Jul 18, 2010