ControlMy entire life i have struggled for control. Any kind of control. My father and step father took it from me before i was 2. My mother had none and could not teach me how to find it. I married young so that i could escape the world i hated and gave all of it to my husband. He taught me how to be independant. Some would argue that point. But i know who i was before and who i am now.
I am the boss. I own my business, I rule my world. People come to me for advice and support. I am the pillar of my family unit. The strong one. But inside i am still that little girl battling for control. Afraid they will see me for who i am.
I dabbled in the on line Dom world. Had pets of my own. Commanded and controlled them. It was fulfilling for a time. But something was missing.
Then one day, he turned the tables on me. I let him lead and in doing so he showed me what it was i was searching for. Release of control.
I do not want to be the leader of everything. I need to surrender to someone more powerful than me. To let him be in command. To honor his wishes. And to see the pride in his face when his precious jem shines from within. I control every other aspect of my life with precision. But this is the time when i can let go. And i am grateful for it.