Advice For Submissive Wives With beta HusbandsI found this on the internet and loved what the author writes about this so thought I would share with you. :o)
If your husband is supporting you and your children on his own, he is not a “beta” male, no matter how much in manner or domestic decision-making you may feel he resembles one. When you are in the process of making a decision, do you ask for his help? If so, does he decline to help? He may actually be leaving these things up to you out of deference, a desire not to tread on your turf, and he may not sense that you want help. I wouldn’t ask him to be generally more involved in decisions, but take each one as it happens and request his input. We all would like our spouses to intuitively grasp what we want, but that often doesn’t happen. If he is leaving discipline of your children entirely up to you, I would suggest the same thing. Let him know you are struggling or overwhelmed in the face of some problem. A wife generally knows what children need better than a working husband. You may have to let him know more than once, especially if he is busy. Be patient with this and be confident that he will eventually help. The sort of “alpha male” you envision is partly the creation of the love and tenderness of a wife, who lets a man know where he is needed.
Many women make the important decisions about home and children. Think of the husband as delegating this reponsibility to the wife. A submissive role does not mean a woman has no authority of her own. In all probability, your husband is too busy to think of these things and trusts your judgment. So you are being submissive to him in taking on these responsibilities. I realize all these decisions can be burdensome. If you are tired of always being in charge, you might say to your husband, in a moment when he himself is not preoccupied and burdened, that you often question your own decisions and feel the stress of keeping things in order. Try not to second-guess yourself. You are not perfect and are going to make some wrong choices. Don’t judge yourself harshly if you make a bad decision. You are trying and that is what matters.
Try to resist at all costs adding up what you are doing against what he is doing. Don’t keep a balance sheet. Whenever you feel this inclination coming on, fight it. A marriage counselor I once met at a social gathering told me that there are three phases to every marriage: 1) Infatuation 2) Power struggle 3) Mature love. Here we see what’s wrong with marriage therapy. At no point should a marriage be a power struggle. To view it that way is to pervert it. She seemed to be saying this was a perfectly normal and inevitable part of marriage.
A submissive wife is someone who does not rule a husband with her moods and emotions and who devotes herself to making a man’s life better. Male authority is loving oversight and resolve, a form of detachment from the hothouse of conflict that family life often resembles. When we talk about submission and authority in marriage, we are referring to something entirely different from roles in other spheres of life. It’s not the same thing as an employer/employee relationship. It always occurs in the context of love.
In general, a woman who wants a man to be more masculine must let him see her vulnerability and weakness. If she appears always in charge and in no need of his competence, he may withdraw from the field of action. I’m not suggesting a woman feign helplessness, but that she should let him see and help him understand her inadequacies. Most men want to protect the people they love. Typically, a man will respond to a plea for help out of this natural instinct provided that the plea is not part of an attack on his character or on his past actions. A submissive wife who demands a man be in control or who criticizes him for not being in control is not a submissive wife at all.