Needing Some Advice........

Hi there! I am struggling at the moment with the mental aspects of transitioning from an online d/s relationship to a real one. Please, let me explain. I have finally been blessed to have a girlfriend/ Domme in real life. While this is all exciting and the new relationship buzz is amazing having only been in online relationships I am having a hard time making the crossover. Whereas in most online relationships I was actually in control, in this relationship she has all the control over timing, anticipation and build up. She is very careful to stay in contact with me via text and phone calls and we see each other about every two weeks. As of yet we have done no playing together at all aside from a few teases and references to playing. She has made it clear that she is deliberately taking it slow as to not do any damage to a newly budding relationship. Her care and concern for my welfare is her number one priority, and we communicate well and often. So as you can see this anxiety and issue lies squarely on my shoulders. I feel as if I am being a horrible submissive because I cannot get the expectations out of my head and just be a blank page..so to speak....So we all know that the dynamics of an online relationship are significantly different than that of a real life one. For example, most online relationships consist of rituals, rules, assignments, journals etc..in order to KEEP the relationship alive. After becoming used to the dynamics of the online relationship how do you transfer your thinking to a real life relationship?    An example, online you most likely will not actually have physical  contact with your partner, whereas in a real life you most likely will even if it is only sporadically. With this added element of physical your partner may not find it necessary to have all the rules and what not. However after having becoming accustomed to these boundaries of safety and security how do you adjust to not having those things you have come to rely on, and adjusting to the new dynamics?   (much like a prisoner who had become accustomed to the daily structure of the prison bars, and finds himself once free committing a new crime to get back to the safety of the structure)


I'm not sure if any of this is coming out right, or if I am just merely rambling in any case I thought I would give this a shot and open to any advice and or comments you may have for me.

Thank you for your time and concern....
babydollie babydollie
36-40, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2013

I see it's been quite a few months since you'd posted this entry. So I hope that you have worked out the transition issues that you were asking about and that you are now happy with the life that you have chosen.

I wish I had been here a long time ago and we could have chatted, but I only came across this website 2 weeks ago.

I'd read your earlier post about wanting someone to look after you, and it seemed to me that what you needed was for someone who would love you for the person that you are rather than someone to dominate you. Someone to nurture you and help you to reach your potential. Someone who appreciates and celebrates that you are young at heart.

Being truly young at heart is a beautiful gift and few people are blessed with that.

Good luck

oh my goodness you are so sweet! You are correct it has been several months as I was unable to get the internet for a bit. However, as an update for any curious, this relationship has since ended cordially and we are still friends.
As to the present and the future, I of course have my husband that is my rock and has been for 18 years, yet I still am missing a female touch in my life. (ill leave that there) I would love to find a mentor of sorts to help me navigate some things. So, well yeah I am open to talking with people. Let me be perfectly honest though I am not your average girl and I still have a lot of crossed wires that need uncrossed..blushes