Where My Sugar Daddy & I Are 1 Year Later

I am 24 years old & live/grew up in the heart of Southern California, upper-middle class in socioeconomic status in Orange County. My life didn't consist of any drastic situations that have contributed to where I am today. I have a father, but we don't have an emotional or touchy relationship- mostly side hugs. Of course my father loves & cares about me, and always has provided for me-food, clothing, shelter, my education,, etc.. My household income is over two hundred K a year, we all drive expensive vehicles, and I live in a million-dollar+ home. Before you judge me, my external self is my true self-no one I know would ever imagine I do this. I have close friends, I enjoy charitable volunteer work on occasion, I have always chosen to work while in school since I was in high school-a characteristic of my work ethic. I used to choose to wash my car knowing I did better detail work than others would, since you know the outcome of your efforts. I clean up my animal's ****. I enjoy makeup, shopping, girly things. I don't complain about issues, I fix them before I ask for help. I like to do price comparisons before I spend my money. To understand me, I like labels & I like used clothing.

I was recently in a few-years relationship with someone a few months younger than me, but a serious one that involved the sure aspect of marriage soon. Beautiful relationship til we argued often due to opposite personalities.Beyond that, any girl would be lucky to have him. We are now over and he's moved on. We broke up for a year where he dated someone else, before we rekindled last year. During that time, I read an article on Yahoo News about Seeking Arrangement, and curiosity made me sign up.

I didn't post facial photos, or they were highly distorted for discretionary reasons of course. I was contacted by one I felt was attractive. Unfortunately, he told me he was married & as stated in his profile that I then saw. I told him for moral reasons and believing in marriage, I found his proposal hard to take. For one reason or another, I decided to meet him. One day I met him at a renown shopping center in Newport Beach. He had to be discreet since his office was nearby and his wife would be in or out of the area at times. I met him in the parking structure and got in his car, ironically the same color & European brand of car, but mine was a smaller model. He was clearly wealthy, and surprisingly, physically attractive to me. Very fit, handsome features, gray hair, but tan from afternoons playing volleyball or going to the gym, since he was the founder of a company. He had provided incentive in addition to agreeing to meet him, and a few conditions including no perfume (for the wife to suspect), be on time, and to dress fun. Interesting, i thought. So we spoke, and he could tell this wasn't my usual situation and to not be nervous. I was wearing a dress, and he slowly put his hand on my thigh, touching my sensitive spots. He placed my hand on his crotch, which made me nervous at first, but he just wanted me to feel. After he gave me three hundred dollars for meeting each term, we parted ways.

A year later, we meet once a month, sometimes two months in between at a cheaper-rate hotel that costs usually about a hundred bucks. He's not in a sexless marriage- just restless. He's been married to his second wife of almost a decade. I have never had his phone number because he is afraid of anyone blackmailing him, since his family and marriage would be in jeopardy- so we communicate by email. He will shoot me an email to see if I'm free, and it's been a challenge at time to make our schedules work (mine had been college & work). We agree to a location depending on our schedules, and I email him the room number. It's always an hour or shorter, usually thirty minutes, depending on when he is sure he won't be suspected by his wife. Usually noon to the afternoon. My car stands out highly when we got to these cheaper hotels, definitely not awful, though him and I both live in more refined surroundings. We only have vaginal sex, and it usually starts out with him going down on me- he knows what he's doing. I only gave him oral once, and he didn't expect it- I didn't know and felt I had to reciprocate then. But a year later- I still haven't done it. We have very vanilla sex- he's simple. Doggy, girl on-top, and missionary. No intimate kissing, pecks here and there. That's what usually happens every time, and he compensates for the room.

Except one time, since I was in the area of his part of town, and his wife was away on a girls trip, he had me park on a nearby residential street. He picked me up since he didn't want my car on record, since his guard-gated community kept written notice at the front gatehouse of all cars that went in and out. We went back to his house, and he offered me a drink. We stood on his balcony hugging. Sadly, it was too dark to see the beautiful ocean view I know exists in daylight. We then had sex on his bed. Then he took me to my car and I left.

Today I saw him. It was brief, and the last time must have been in October. After I do it, it sickens me for minutes. But I am still the same person externally to the world as I was before this. I still believe in love. I am a morally correct person in every sense of my life, except for this. I am socially and professionally graceful, college-educated and graduated. Do I know what I'm doing is wrong? Yes. Why am I doing it? I don't know-maybe I am attracted to him, though we both don't want it anymore than where it is anyways, and also having more money helps. Do I think about this daily after it happens? No, out of sight-out of mind. Do I have feelings for him? No, we lead our independent lives and I don't think much of him daily until he contacts me. Do I think my socioeconomic surroundings impact my view on living a certain way? Yes. Do I think I should stop? Yes, but sometimes I'm vulnerable and can't cut ties with him in case.

It's my deepest secret.
Nicoletta25 Nicoletta25
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 12, 2012

I think you should be asking for more than $300.

You're bored. You secretly like the thrill. Part of you wants to fast forward to being married to a guy like him. Deep down you get off on knowing your're hot enough to get paid for it. They money makes it worth it to you. You're not getting laid enough...

There are a hundred potential reasons, but only you really know for sure, and if you sit down and really search your soul, you'll figure it out.

Your story doesn't scream massive amounts of guilt or depression. It's just a secret that would surprsie most people you know. Can you fall in love with a perfect guy next month and end up married to him and be OK carrying your dirty little sugar baby secret into bed with him every night? If so, then why stop? If something about the state of things with this guy bothers you a bit, then upgrade.