Suicide: Two Years Of Self-Destruction

When I was 15 my life was absolutely awesome, I had amazing friends and not a care in the world. I was smoking weed like crazy and drinking, just living life to the fullest. In the summer of my sophomore year in high school it all changed. I got caught with weed. Thinking I would be cool I took the blame of my friends and took the entire punishment. Next thing I know everyone I knew was gone. I was placed in a reform school and wasn't allowed to talk to anyone, for 8 months I didn't talk to anyone, the only conversations I had were with my brother, tyler, that's it. I knew I was losing it, but I didn't get help, Two weeks after my sixteenth birthday I tried to kill myself. I took lots of sleeping meds, painkillers and antideppressants, I feel asleep and thought I was just having a really real dream, I could hear people yelling, and hear my family saying my name, I went into a deep sleep and woke up at a hospital, the doctors told me I flatlined for 10 seconds and stopped breathing 5 times. After I fully recovered I was involuntary admitted to a mental health hospital for 3 months, I wasn't allowed to see my family or anything, the only people I talked to were people I thought were "crazy" when I got out of the hospital everything seemed different and weird, not in a good way either. I stayed at the reform school for the next two years. Not talking to anyone, barely even talking with my family. I was just a zombie, doing boring things. I honestly think two years of social isolation really messed me up. In the first semester of my senior year I was informed I would go back to school at the beggining of the second semester. I was EXTREMELY scared, my anxiety was through the roof, I told myself there is no way I'm going through this. So 5 days after christmas, 8 days before school, I tried to kill myself. I attempted to hang myself, unfortunately my sister found me in the backroom of the house in full suspension. My brother and sister got me down and revived me. Nobody called an ambulance or a doctor, they just told me to get dressed and go to my grandmothers house, surprisingly my family was angry at me, my brother even called me selfish and a loser, I remember laying on the floor with my sister holding my neck and my little brother walked in and said "what happened?" my sister told him I tried to hang myself and he responded "oh I'm going back to sleep."

All of that happened this past january, I still haven't seen a doctor or counsler or anything like that, I've had to help myself through this, I've graduated thank god, but it wasn't easy.
Pretty much what I'm trying to tell through this is life is hard and I still think it sucks sometimes I just want to kill myself just to spite my selfish family but I won't... I'm going to become something in life and shove it in their face...

Thanks for reading, and I hope if you are feeling suicidal you'll get through it, though it may seem you are your greatest enemy, your also your greatest allie..