Antifreeze And Benzos

Last year in August, I drank about 16 ounces of antifreeze and took 300 anti anxiety pillls. I was found the next day and was in the ICU for a week and a half. I was in a coma, on life support and dialysis. I had renal kidney failure, I was completely disabled, had a grand mal seizure and had a hypoxic brain injury. I was hospitalized for about a month while I learned how to walk, talk, eat, shower, use my motor skills and everything else.

After that I got sent to a mental health facility for a week. A little over a year later, I appear normal most of the time but occasionally I appear drunk with my slurred speech, balance and falling issues, lack of motor skills and coordination.

I have no insurance and need to have a CAT scan. In June I slit my wrist and got 10 staples and 3 days in detox. In July I tried to drive my car off the side of a mountain and ended up getting a DUI. Ive had at least 30 attempts and decided that I would not try again.
tmarker86 tmarker86
26-30, F
5 Responses Dec 2, 2012

Hello. I am sorry that you hate(d) being here in life. How is your liver? I think about suicide almost every day. Perhaps you could tell me why you want to live now or why life is worth living.

Are you sure you really want to die.. Or you're just doing it for attention.. Cause if a person really wants to take their life it's not that difficult. You've tried so many times and failed.. I don't think you really want to die at all. Or you would be dead by now.

Farout10, I'm afraid you don't have a "clue" as to what you're saying. How cold hearted & heartless it is, to say such a horrific thing to another person! NO! Most DON'T want attention (but even if they DID, they deserve to have their feelings honored & respected! ). Most people including myself have made numerous attempts to end my life QUIETLY without any attention! Until you "educate" yourself on this subject, please refrain yourself from making any further judgements upon other's, unless you've experienced it your own self! Your lack of compassion, intelligence & education is clearly shining thru!

I'm sorry for what you have been through, if you ever need someone to talk to let me know.

I am glad you have decided not to try again. I don't want to try ever again either, I just am so impulsive I never know when I will try it. I have tried over 20 times, plus self injured severely many times over. I have a very strong body and meds don't hit me as strong as most people. Many of my overdoses should have killed me according to all the doctors. But I've survived them all with no ill effects. I have been in ICU 4 times for OD aftereffects, and on Kidney Dialysis 2 times. 1 time I crashed and actually died for a minute or whatever. I have come to the conclusion I am not supposed to die that way. And I fear that next time I will not be so lucky, and I will not die but I will suffer irrevocable damage to myself. I have many scars to remind me of the stupid things I have done. Scars from bites, cuts, burns. I have the scars from the central lines they had to draw on me to save my life. Those are constant reminders of what could be and what was. Keep the strength, you will inspire others. You already have.

I've come to think someone must hate me enough to keep me around so there ain't no point in trying. lol

Lol yeah. Its selfish for people to want us around when we dont want to be here.