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What a Man Wants and Needs In Marriage.

This is a list of basic points supporting the concept of a surrendered wife and what she does for her husband:
 

1) A Man needs to feel strong and needed as protector for women, basically to conquer the beast and rescue the fair maiden.

 

2) He wants to feel that he is strong and head of the household and leader of the family.

 

3) He needs respect, kindness and love from his woman

 

4) He wants to know that he is the most important thing in his Wife's life.

 

5) A Man needs his woman to show him that she needs his strength to help her through life.

 

6) A man should be able to prove to himself that he is strong capable and competent by being the major breadwinner of the family.

 

7) He needs his wife to show approval and appreciation for being a competent Husband and Father.

 

8) He wants his wife to show interest in his interests.

 

9) He needs his wife to greet him after work with love, affection and enthusiasm. A nice dinner is a great way to support this.

 

10) He wants her to care about the day he's had.

 

11) He needs to know his wife is sexually satisfied by him.

 

12) He wants his wife to make the home a haven, a place that he can relax and recharge his batteries at the end of the day.

 

13) He needs his Wife's encouragement in order to be a man.

 

14) He wants to know his wife is permanently on his side.

 

If You've just read this and you're a man, especially if you're a Husband, please leave a comment. If you can think of anything else to add to the list, I'd love to know your thoughts.

RobertaSunset RobertaSunset 36-40, F 99 Responses Apr 19, 2008

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After many years of marriage, I'd say you've hit the nail on the head with this one! Well said.

Thankyou, the ideas were not my own, from the book the surrendered wife by Laura Doyal. I'm just very glad I read it :o)

My immediate response has to that this is a great post. I wish I had more time right now to add a couple thoughts .....I'll continue with that a little later.
Really liked it. I do believe most points can be directed from the husband back at the wife. I guess the only thing I could ask now is 'Marry Me"?

He wants to be desired sexually, its part of his emotional needs. He wants his wife to be slutty in bed with him, and be a lady too. He wants to hear his name scream out from making love to him.

but we all want that lol :o)

Funny how these are the same things a wife desires from her husband. I agree with cuntrygent. A husband earns these things from his wife and vise verse. I'm in a TIH marriage and there is no way our marriage would work if my husband did not earn my respect. I choose to give him those things on the list because he chooses to act in a way that makes me want him to feel he is the bomb, HOH, the greatest man who ever walked this planet. Respect is and always will be a two way street. I need to feel loved, respected, safe, protected, Cherished, and needed. I need to know he has my back no matter what. It's really not that hard to fulfill your partners needs when there is mutual respect.

This is what people do not understand about submission, women do not submit to idiotic jerks, only men who give love, protection, leadership and security. Our men earned it because they strive to meet our needs too. The real power always lays with the submissive of course because she can take away her submission if he isn't deserving of it but of course he is... why would you give up a woman who does all of this for you? :o)

This list made me sick! I think a husband and wife should take care of each other! Sounds like the men reading this have a confidence problem. My husband and I are so incredibly happy and we don't use a list to get there. We talk about what WE need from each other.

So you\'re not a surrendered wife and that works for you. I\'m sure you have a wonderful relationship and are blissfully happy but please don\'t judge me just because I choose to think outside the box and try something different.

Probably can\'t reason like that with her. Her mind is already made up!

You too hun and thanks for sticking up for me :o)

you are "right on the money" with this!

Roberta I just wanted to say I liked your list and all the comments below. It sounds like you really have a knack for what makes marriage work and thrive. Good stuff!

PURE POETRY....

Agreed, I wish I had know seven years ago when we married :o)

don't blame your self... you needed those 7 years to explore every thing your man need, besides, you still have ALL YOUR LIVES TO ENJOY WITH EACH OTHER..

This is true, it will be all the happier exploring now that I understand what really makes marriages work :o)

a good man deserves a good woman and a good woman deserves a good man. anything less? u deserve what U get...

I found when I began doing these things for my husband he naturally began working harder to see to my needs. Now I find I am quite spoiled by him. It really does work both ways. For love to grow it has to start somewhere. Thank you for posting Roberta.

For sure...I would never have believed it until I tried it myself but I struck gold with my curious mind on this occasion :o)

Deffinatly turned out way better than I had hoped for

I find it difficult to believe that it just started as a curious experiment...and here we are today :o)

He also needs to fulfill her needs a woman also needs to hear she is worthy and needed in his life. Praised for giving of herself. She needs to fell safe and know that he will always have her back, even if he disagrees with her you work it out in private. He needs to be honest and show her he cares. Most women feel they are marrying their hero. But when a football game or other such sillyness is more important than being with her she starts to withdraw. Men are not the only ones who withdraw and go into a cave. It's a two way street.

I agree but I think the point is, somebody has to make the first move towards a better understanding :o)

Yes I agree if relationship is in trouble someone must give first but then there is a time when after years of giving and getting nothing in return you have to go your own way and try to find happiness. I guess the ideal thing is not allow thing to get that bad. I don't believe in divorce but relationships have to be give and take and its such an awful thing when you spend 25 yrs loving someone who dose not love you enough to try.

I'm lucky enough never to have experienced that. I saved my own marriage by doing these things and just like Jenna said above, I find that I am equally spoilt by my husband.

That is great to hear sometimes no matter how hard you try or how much you give things just can't be turned around. But it sure is nice to hear that sometimes things do turn around for some people. Call me a sucker but I love it when the good guy wins no matter how hard the fight. I also agree that if both people did these things and people took marriage more serious that we would have a lot more happy well balanced children and young adults. Again I turkey am happy things turned out good for you. :))))

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It's a two way street. If you do that for him he should in turn do it for you.

He does, but I think women want different things from men :o)

I like what you are saying yes but for me, I also need other things.

! I loved being part of her life, I loved watching her as she painted things and even got her the stuff to take her art work to a different level I helped her go from canvas to paining metal and air brush work and then to do fine line pen stripping on cars and bikes.

The rest of it is a great guess we fell in love to young but we were with each other from age 11 on at 12 something happened, and her mother gave me a new home and over the next few years it really became our home, and we paid cash for it the day we got out of high school.

I knew she always had my back, and she also knew I had her back and we did have a few fights in school that first years as other tried to take control of the school but we had to decide we did not want to deal with bullies like in the past, so we stopped them at the start.

I love that you spport her intersts, maybe that would be on the list of what women want and need from a man :o)

Well said! I couldn't agree more. Thank you for this post,

Each to their own but I'm attracted to outgoing women with their own interests and goals who I can support in achieving her girls and who can support me in achieving hers and who will stand up to me if she thinks I'm being an idiot rather than just agreeing with me.

I see marriages failing all around me and usually it is because women cannot learn to keep their mouths shut and lean that sometimes, it's not right for everything to be done "their way" sad but true.

I'm not saying everything should be done their way I'm just saying it should be a two way discussion involving a degree of compromise on both sides. Saying that my parents are still together after 43 years of doing everyting my mum's that way but that's because my dad is fantastically disorganised!

I like that I defer to my husband, causes less misunderstanding, everyone knows their role and there's no need to have an argumement because nobody needs to "win" I tried it the other way, we were unhappy all too often.

Do not think that is why there are failing we have become a throw-away world.

What is too much is person talking at each other and not to each other?

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Great post Robbo,Sorry to see it has attracted some negative(argumentitive comments) for me the magic word is "balance" no one, be it man or woman can be perfect all the time, we all need different things at different times. A grown woman is not there to be babied, that's just heading towards an unhealthy dominance (imho of course) she should know how to stand on her own 2 feet to a great extent, if only for practical reasons..ie the event that she suddenly does find herself alone & having to fend for herself, by the same token there is absolutely nothing wrong with cherishing the man you love, going that extra mile for him, as he would for you and being sensitive to his needs, there are times when a man needs sensible advice and help and should feel comfortable about saying .Hey I feel like s***...I need help with...whatever..... this doesn't make him less of a man it just makes him a normal, rational well-balanaced human being

Thankyou, I agree but I believe that women need to stand back and allow their man to lead more, I think that (generalising obviously) most men want to be the provider and protector and when they are allowed to flourish in that role, it brings about greater harmony and happiness in relationships.

don't you think tho that that can sometimes put untold pressure on a man?

No, I think it puts more pressure on men when women nag and they run about trying to please us to keep us quiet lol, I think when you provide an environment where they can relax and recharge, be available to meet their needs and not going on all the time, they are generally much more relaxed. I know that as soon as I started doing that, we were much happier and had far less arguments than before :o)

yes..agreed wholeheartedly...I meant the economics side of it..the bit about being sole provider..not many couples/families can actually achieve that nowadays with all prices hitting the roof......

The economics side of it is tricky and it's something that needs to be worked out. I never thought we would survive without two incomes but my husband manages all the finances, he gives me an allowance and it works out just fine. I think mostly though it's the psychological side of being a provider that men need. It's like a huge kick in the balls for men when their women earn more than they do and they don't feel needed or valued.

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I agree with 3/4 of those comments. If this is how you live your life and treat your husband he is one lucky man.....let me know if you become available on the market.......lol....

lol :o)

Im just not good cook....

I have been single so long, even a modest attempt at a home made meal is a luxury for me. maybe we can cook together ......

You look pretty enough for him to probably not care but everyone can cook, all you have to do is read and follow instructions lol :o)

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i am going to add u such a nice brain who can avoid this type of person be friend God give u more more happiness

RobertaSunset dear your husband is lucky if u think it i believe mostly our happy life depend on our actions and thinking god bless u wish my wife should think like this

Thankyou :o)

i agree with robertasunset i think natalie maybe a tad envious of us surrendered wives, maybe she can not do what we can keep our husbands happy and strives to find a relationships like ours, are you single???? can you keep your man happy i think you should try it

Lovely dear. I think all of us ladies enjoy the reminder

Yep... we all do sometimes :o)

now if I could only slip these thoughts somewhere so that my wife could see it without her thinking that I had something to do with it....lol

I liked what you wrote Roberta....a husband could only dream....

It seems that a lot of people do not understand feminism who really should. Feminism is about promoting equality between the sexes. Surrendering does not harm this. I know many men who have surrendered to their wives and none of the wives know what they have got... none of them. I also know women who have surrendered to their husbands without the respect being returned. I think the argument between sexes is old and pointless. Married folk - respect your spouse, give your spouse what they need, both of you should give at least 60%, stop counting the flaws, increase truthful communication, remember forgiveness and tell your spouse you have forgiven. Just love for pities sakes, just love, and stop the kind of bickering we see in arguments of governmental policy. Just love, and if you cannot give your love, do not marry. Marriage is about surrendering on both sides. If you can't do that, leave marriage to people who can and come back when your angst, fury and vengeance has left you.

I agree power struggles are pointless. I do not believe that either party has to give all the time. If we could just come together and talk and learn to compromise. It can never be 100% what one person wants all the time.

As a man i need some passion from my wife. I am not working but still i want my wife to love without any questions about future. My wife should whole heartedly lay with me without thinking tommorow she should ask everything she wants, she should know what i want now and at any time. She should be homely

You have some lovely insights.

Thankyou :o)

Yes, I like those things, but I will also give back to my woman. I know she has needs too. Giving is an ex<x>pression of love.

When both partners think like that, you have a strong and loving marriage that will stand the tests of time :o)

Surrendered? And what did you want that had to be given up? It seems to be all about him and nothing about you except servitude. Or do you really like it that way?

yeah, I do like that, but I believe surrendering would work for every marriage, it's not about being a door mat, it's about treating your man with respect and consideration. Sadly it is something that many wives just stop doing and then they wonder why their marriages are unfulfilling and their man leave to be with other women or just distance themselves completely. I shared my story because there was a time when I was becoming one of those women and I surrendered out of interest more than anything. It saved my marriage, I am now loved and cherished and protected, I am made to feel like a woman. I have a fantastic sex life and my Husband behaves like the man I always wanted him to be. I felt like more of a door mat before to be honest. Surrendering is just a way of learning to communicate and understanding that men and women are very different and we do have different needs.

Glad it works for you.

You're a doormat...your husband is weak. It's clear he needs u but u don't really need him. Do u honestly think men could survive without women...but they're finding ways where women could survive without men.

Sounds like a man has some insecurities...aww...a women needs...a man who doesn't need to be shown over and over that he's a man...he can see his penis..I've heard most men have them...men should be more confident without having to be reminded over and over about ridiculous things like his strength...go lift some weights men!

you have your own insecurities, thats why you came here with the sole intention of being a troll.

Way to tell her off, Roberta.

Ooo that hurt...not really.

Ok goblin. Well I'm sure u r just a ***** living in the slums wit no one that truely loves u and ur just nasty...yuck.

Not crying yet... you will have to try harder I'm afraid!

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Going by this like it sounds as if men are children who wish to be coddled, idolized, and honored and put on a pedestal adored by a human female there to service him and please his every or most of his whims.<br />
<br />
A Man needs to feel strong and needed as protector for women, basically to conquer the beast and rescue the fair maiden.<br />
* In other words he needs to feel stronger/superior to her?*<br />
<br />
He wants to feel that he is strong and head of the household and leader of the family.<br />
* In other words he needs to be in charge otherwise he feels weak? He feels entitled to leadership ba<x>sed on his genitals rather than his suitability okay then..*<br />
<br />
He needs respect, kindness and love from his woman.<br />
* Those tend to be the cornerstone for most relationships however it seems that many tend to differ it quite differently and it borders on suberseivent to me *<br />
<br />
He wants to know that he is the most important thing in his Wife's life.<br />
* I doubt this is an equal exchange as it seems work tends to come in first for many men. *<br />
<br />
A Man needs his woman to show him that she needs his strength to help her through life.<br />
* In other words he wants a dependent person who he knows wouldn't be able to do much without him while he on the other hand as a man is strong and can take or leave her? *<br />
<br />
A man should be able to prove to himself that he is strong capable and competent by being the major breadwinner of the family.<br />
* In other words men, their worth, and masculinity are measured by their income? *<br />
<br />
He needs his wife to show approval and appreciation for being a competent Husband and Father.<br />
* These tend to be the cornerstone for most relationships however it seems that many tend to differ it quite differently and it borders on being his personal cheerleader of 'he can do no wrong' *<br />
<br />
He wants his wife to show interest in his interests.<br />
* I doubt this is an equal exchange as it seems many men degrade or belittle women's interests as superifical, stupid, etc * <br />
<br />
He needs his wife to greet him after work with love, affection and enthusiasm. A nice dinner is a great way to support this.<br />
* A pleasant homecoming/atmosphere tend to be the cornerstone for most relationships however it seems that many tend to differ it quite differently and it borders on being a servant whose only function is to service him *<br />
<br />
He wants her to care about the day he's had.<br />
* I doubt this is an equal exchange as it seems many men bemoan how women talk, drone on, and etc. *<br />
<br />
He needs to know his wife is sexually satisfied by him.<br />
* I doubt heavily doubt this considering the rise of 'her ****** = her responsibility' and no denying sex without a good reason (implying that consent/desire is not a good reason). I think it's more of a he doesn't want to know his wife is sexually disatified/disgusted by him. Seems many guys wouldn't care if their partner wasn't into the sex or was just doing it to shut them up as long as she doesn't show her disdain. *<br />
<br />
He wants his wife to make the home a haven, a place that he can relax and recharge his batteries at the end of the day.<br />
* In other words she's in charge of his happiness with no to little accountability/responsbility on himself for his mood/feelings? Does this mean he has to furnish the home with the material goods she desires? *<br />
<br />
He needs his Wife's encouragement in order to be a man.<br />
* In other words she's in charge of his happiness with no to little accountability/responsbility on himself for his gender identity?*<br />
<br />
He wants to know his wife is permanently on his side.<br />
* I doubt this is an equal exchange as it seems many men if not for the divorce/custody laws would readily leave their partners. As well as the women age like sour milk and etc mindset that is on the rise. *

This guy's profile says "I Hate Men." A troll.

Concept-you hate fem so how is he a troll and your not. Oh hats right...ur a goblin. Seriously. Shut the **** up. You google everything u say. If people actually believe the stupid bullshit u spew out of your idiotic computer fingers then you wouldn't write books on here about Jesus and God...some people don't believe in what u believe.

Thank you once again for posting the stories that you do. You are a voice for many of us. Loved, this book. I think it just comes down to men, and women, needing to be loved differently. And having the tools to understand those differences. I admire your desire to make this know. I admire your patience with some, that may not have deserved the kindness you have shown them. There is a reason my husband calls me his little spit fire. lol. So keep preaching the magic that you do. Thanks again.

You're welcome, I can be a bit feisty too lol, it's the red hair... everyone is entitled to their own point of view so I try not to stir up trouble if I can help it, I just hope to share my interests and beliefs and hopefully help people find some of the happiness I have :o)