Surrendering Is Saving My Marriage

I've been "surrendering" for about six weeks. I accidentally stumbled across The Surrendered Wife in the "comments" section of a submissive's blog a few weeks ago. Someone suggested reading it if you want your husband to be more dominant. I was looking for advice to improve my marriage as I felt like it was headed to a bad place. We've been together since high school and have been married for almost 10 years. We'd had some ups and downs, but the down times always got better. This time we just seemed to keep sinking. I was very unhappy and unsatisfied with my husband. I've discovered that I'm submissive (a startling discovery at the age of 31), and I had been trying to get him to be more dominant for months. Of course this didn't go over well. He felt like he didn't even know me. I was nagging and raging and trying to reconcile myself to a lifetime of being unhappy and unsatisfied in my marriage, as I would never consider divorce.

When I took the quiz at the beginning, I couldn't believe how accurately Mrs. Doyle was describing my situation. The rest of the book was just as accurate. By the second or third chapter, I was flabbergasted and convinced she knew what she was talking about. I decided to start "surrendering."

This book literally changed the dynamic of my relationship with my husband. It helped me to see how I had changed and how those changes had effected my husband. It also taught me how to start changing myself into the wife I want to be. I saw measurable, jaw-dropping results in my husband and our relationship within three days of practicing the concepts outlined in the book. It was unbelievable, and I was shocked that it was actually working. Then I felt pleasure and HOPE! Even my sister-in-law commented that our whole dynamic seemed to have changed since her last visit. I just smiled and secretly thought, "I know! I know!"

Surrendering hasn't been easy for me. I continually re-read sections to help me stay on track, as I find myself slipping into old habits, and the effects of those "slips" are immediately noticeable. He doesn't even realize that he pulls away when I get snarky or even if I just try to mother him. I go back to the book when I feel frustrated and need encouragement. It really is saving my marriage and helping me be happy and entirely content. The changes in myself and my husband are real and obvious. I can't believe what a difference "surrendering" is making. I've been happier these past few weeks than I've been in the past 18 months.

I sure could use some encouragement, though. It's really tough when I'm holding my tongue and he's playing video games for the seventh day in a row. I guess he hasn't caught up to the learning curve, yet. He hasn't realized that he should be considerate of me and shouldn't take advantage of my silence. I guess it's only to be expected. After all, I've been unwittingly disrespectful to him for years. His behavior isn't going to change overnight.

I have seen drastic changes in the way he treats me. On day three he apologized for hurting my feelings without me saying anything or laying on the guilt trip. I was just going to try to let it go. I kept repeating in my head, "Surrender, surrender," even though I was really hurt. A couple hours later, he quietly told me he was sorry. A few days ago, he brought me a small flowering plant from the grocery store for no reason. These things may seem small, but they are very much not the normal actions of my husband. That's how I know surrendering is working. That's how I know surrendering is worth it.
frogflowers03 frogflowers03
31-35, F
Jan 8, 2013