Daily Repentence

I've been a "surrendered wife" for around 4-5 months...I still have a long way to go. I gave up the finances, but I struggle with seeing the bills pile up on the table and not get paid. It is soooo hard not to say something and It just comes out sometimes.

I am about 5 months pregnant too and I really want to stay home with my kids, so that is the next major surrender is trusting him that he will provide. I really have to work on my motivational words vs. my tear down words, so he feels confident in himself.

I myself grew up in a "broken home" no father figure until my step dad who never wanted to claim me as his. Needless to say, I have some respect and trust issues with men. This book is forcing me to cling to God and trust in the power of respecting your husband!!

shaunasigne shaunasigne
31-35
5 Responses Mar 10, 2009

I have surrendered to my husband in all areas of daily life, but I'm still doing the bookkeeping for his company and for our private household, as he doesn't want to be bothered with this "chore". He can buy whatever he wants, I'm not restricting his spending habits, I'm just paying the bills and put the figures in the computer, prepare tax returns, etc. If we have to make major financial decisions, he consults me and I have an input, but it doesn't necessarily mean, that he follows through with my opinion. After I had read the book "surrendered wife" I had my doubts, too, whether I should hand over the financial responsibility and came to the conclusion, that he is happy with me handling finances and as a friend on EP explained to me: Every relationship is different, you can't apply every line of the book to every circumstance. He sees it as a gift from me, that I am taking care of the finances and doesn't want any change. So why make a big fuss? You can still be a surrendered wife in all other aspects of life!

I am glad to see someone else who is still taking care of the finances in a surrendered relationship (though I haven't read this book). I have done the financing my whole marriage and it has always worked amazingly and he hates being bothered with it. He says he has a ridiculous amount of other things to remember (for work) and that if I've handled it so well this whole time, why would he stop that? He still knows whats going on with them if he asks, and I always tell him when there isn't enough money to be spending on random things, otherwise he's free to spend it on what he likes obviously lol! But he rarely does.

I don't mean to be harsh, but your husband is not living up to his end of the bargain. It is time for you to take control of the situation before you face financial ruin. Not all men are cut out for this. I wish you the best.

Hey there, <br />
<br />
I would just ask my husband if getting them electronically paid would be easier and have the utility company debit the account when bills are due and that is that. I know we should consult our husbands but if they prove ineffectual in this then we have a duty not only to ourselves but our children that we do not risk our living conditions or getting into further debt. That I can not tolerate and you should not either because it is just sheer laziness and not leadership at all. That said I am lucky that my husband pays the bills on time but ladies there is a difference between surrendering and sheer negligence on the part of your husband. I know surrendering takes time but things like finances need discussion and there needs to be a plan right from the start and there is cohesion in the household so you do not have to become a literal basket case every time a bill comes in so you know it will be taken care of at the appropriate time.<br />
I hope this helps just a little bit. I wish you nothing but luck and I hope that some peace and harmony regarding finances happens and soon. By the way congrats on your pregnancy, I wish nothing but the continued best of health and I hope the delivery of your new bub is everything you wanted it to be. <br />
<br />
Peace and Love<br />
<br />
hhue

I, too, have been a surrendered wife but after seeing the bills pile up, utilities and phone get shut off, taxes go unprepared, I just had to do something because it rose to the level of getting into legal trouble. Now my marriage is in shambles and I'm not sure how surrendering is going to help now. I am going to keep surredering but I would like to know more about when to throw in the towel.

Sorry I did not comment on your story sooner, is surrendering working for you? I do know that it takes a lot of strength and "biting your tongue" in the early days. I am lucky, I never had the experience of seeing the bills pile up without them being paid, I think I might of cracked if I had! I really hope this is working out for you both as it really is worth all the effort in the long run. x