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To Young To Know

I started getting sexually abuse at a very young age. It happen many times thru out my life. I was 4 years old the first time it happen. I really did not know what was going on. To be honest, now looking back is a great thing. I had several different abusers men and women. I guess a predator can spot a good prey. For many years, I never told another living soul. I was so ashamed and felt guilty about what had happen to me. And I had many memories that was repressed for most of the older part of my teen years. I am now only started really dealing with all that has happen to me when I was a child. And truly understanding why I do the things I do now as an adult. I realize why I can not trust people and really feel comfortable around my own family or friends. I can not allow others to get close to me. I am not just saying physical close but emotional and mental. I used food as a drug. It helped for many years. I made myself so unattractive to others. I finally now is beginning to understand, that it had nothing at all to do with me and how i looked. But that those individuals, just wanted to control someone. That those individuals was so damaged already that they needed to damage others also.
enchantedebonybutterfly enchantedebonybutterfly 31-35, F 5 Responses Jun 15, 2012

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Thank you for sharing your story. Some day, when I'm ready I will share mine.
It really sickens me to think of all the sex offenders who are walking the streets today. Some of them have.been doing this to children for many years while others have just begun to forever ruin the future of a child & leave them scarred forever. Sadly, both are likely to destroy yet another childs spirit.
Reading stories such as yours has helped me in getting rid of the shame that I've been carrying around & to not feel so alone. Thats a good start.

This is a great start!!!! So many people that is/was abused in any way, blamed ourselves or still is blaming. I still have those moments. I\'m now in therapy and writing here has helped a great deal. I think mostly, if reading what I had to endure can help just one person, I\'m grateful for this. I have noticed more recently I can\'t post anything on this subject. Unfortunately, I mention this site to my therapist and he thinks its a wonderful tool in my healing. Its true, ep has been a great help but getting to know others, I\'m feeling the embarrassed of my abuse. I have more to be honest for but knowing some of my friends may read, its sadness me for what they may think but I will post and hopefully they will understand and if not, this is their problem. I say this to you, once you start telling what happen to you, don\'t allow the abuse to stop you from saying/telling others about it. Friends, true friends/family will still love you anyways. I have even been invited to speak in front of his(therapist) colleagues. I\'m more open now with details, They all are trying to get a better understanding for a person that has been abused. Unfortunately, they will also be ones that has done the abusing. This night will be interesting to say the less. hugs&smiles***

Good for you! :) That is a wonderful opportunity & I admire your strength.
I refuse to hold on to anymore shame over what was done to me. The saddest part is that my own mother, the one person a little girl should be able to tell anything to, the one person who is supposed to protect you is the one who made me feel ashamed, like it was somehow my fault & to just keep quiet about it to keep peace in the family (but then if you\'ve read my story about my mother you wouldn\'t be surprised).
I vowed to NEVER EVER doubt my own children about anything. I drilled it into their heads at a very young age that there is absolutely NOTHING in this world that they can\'t tell me. No matter how bad it is or who its about I will always be on their side, always protect them & no matter what, theres nothing they could come to me with that would in any way change my love for them as they are the most important ones in my life & they will always come first. Luckily none of them have had to go through what I did. I honestly believe I\'d be in prison if anyone ever hurt my kids in any way. I am the mama bear protecting her cubs at all costs. Knowone will violate them & get away With itwith with it.
I wish you the

Sorry about that. Lost my place & then.accidentally hit \'post\'.
But as I was about to say; I wish you the best of luck should you decide to speak publically about it. Its a big step & it takes alot of courage & strength. You are setting a pathway for others to follow & hopefully, ultimately come forward & share their story & begin the healing process. You should be very proud of yourself. :)

I don\'t know about proud!!!! I\'m thankful for getting to a place within myself to simply speak out. Thank you and I\'m truly sorry about the ashamed came from your mother. I do understand about being overbearing. I don\'t have any kids but to many nieces and nephews. hugs&smiles***

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i got sexually molested by my bio father since i was born tell age 15. the cops wont do anything about it.

I'm sorry to hear about your abuse. Hold on in there, life does get much better with the right type of help and support. hugs***

Sweet, I am happy to read the reverse of story as in you understand you had nothing to do with it. It’s a ****** up dynamic and you are not only a survivor but a role model also :)

Thank you but I'm not a role model. I'm still learning at my age to better understand myself cause of the past. It's has taking me many years and self harming to realize, I had nothing to do with their actions. smiles***

Im still trying to sum up everything. I want to remember everything. One of the people who sexually abused me is hanging around again and it terrifies me . I havnt told a soul except for my one best friend and the people on here. Do you hhave any advice for me. (I was s.abused omce when i was 5 and them when i was 7 til i was 14 im going to be 16 in july)

you need to tell an adult that you can trust than go to the police. they(predators) will not stop. and if he or she is hanging around again, than their intentions are not good. they do not stop until someone speaks up. and even than they won't but at least others will know about that predator. hugs please tell

Those surrounding you may not believe you to start. I’m not saying don't tell them, but don't jump if they don't, it’s part of the process. I say via police is due as in before yesterday. If you don't it’s gonna continue and completely destroy you.

Well the last time he did anything was when i was 13 or 14. Im 16 now and have a bf, idkfor how much longerbcuz hes beein so damn annoying lately, i dont think that the i guess predator will do anything cuz idk y but i am trying to trust this person again and so far its been fine because he stops by maybe once a month and we havnt hung out alone at all for more than 2 minutes

You still need to tell. Like HedoZen said, police are always a great place to start. Just because he stop for now, doesn't mean he isn't doing it to someone else. I found out only once I spoke up, that other members of the family was also being abuse by the same uncle and cousin. He hasn't did anything because you have allowed yourself time to be alone with him. Please go to a police and tell them. hugs***

Everyone else in the family is the same age or older than him so he couldn't of been doing anything cuz hed always get jumped lol it was always funny when hed get jumped cuz hed get super mad. Anyway. Im just scared that quite a few members n people who im friends with n who are friends with him too would just hate n leave me

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be strong in life all that i advise you..i also had a sad childhood .....

any child that had experience any type of abuse, had a sad and lonely childhood. we all just have to learn to be better adults from the ones that abused. thanks for your comment and your advice. hugs