To Young To Know
I started getting sexually abuse at a very young age. It happen many times thru out my life. I was 4 years old the first time it happen. I really did not know what was going on. To be honest, now looking back is a great thing. I had several different abusers men and women. I guess a predator can spot a good prey. For many years, I never told another living soul. I was so ashamed and felt guilty about what had happen to me. And I had many memories that was repressed for most of the older part of my teen years. I am now only started really dealing with all that has happen to me when I was a child. And truly understanding why I do the things I do now as an adult. I realize why I can not trust people and really feel comfortable around my own family or friends. I can not allow others to get close to me. I am not just saying physical close but emotional and mental. I used food as a drug. It helped for many years. I made myself so unattractive to others. I finally now is beginning to understand, that it had nothing at all to do with me and how i looked. But that those individuals, just wanted to control someone. That those individuals was so damaged already that they needed to damage others also.