I Guess I Should Add My Story,

I think its great this has been started, i just want people to remember this is the net, ppl dont know who you are, so dont be ashamed of it.

Well i was sexually abused from a young age from my father, he also raped my 2 eldest sister which he went to prison for. I have another sister but she said it didnt happen to her, he wouldnt rape two miss one then move to me. I wasnt raped, i was molested and made to do things i didnt want to do such as oral sex. once my dad got out of prison the vic welfare department basically got him living with us again, they told my mum  it would be for the best.. pffft.. anyway coz the Victorian welfare department failed he got another victim.. ME!!!

I hate him for it, but in other ways i have forgiven him, i have a normal relationship with him now, he is a changed man, even tho many would say they dont change, my dad did..

i lashed out at my mum for "letting it happen", in my mind she gave me to him as bait. in her mind while she was with him he couldnt hurt anymore kids coz she could keep an eye on him.

This hurts alot, especially coz i have a huge family and they all know about it, and throw the "your dads a rock spider" in my face.

sorry if this is lame or doesnt even make sense, i really dont know how to write about this.

jennifer85 jennifer85
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 15, 2007

FORGIVENESS is something that is a huge huge ask, when you ask for forgiveness your thinking of yourself not of the person you wronged. The first person has chosen to live a normal life with her dad, it was however forced a bit it was very wrong for the authorities to do that, but now you seem to move on. Your relatives should NEVER EVER say that out of term or in spite they do not understand how it feels and none of them will ever be qualified to judge how you feel nobody will. Forgiveness will make us happier only if the person wants to forgive, I will never forgive my abuser for what happened to me, I may put him and the abuse to the back of my mind ill never forget the abuse.

it is tough to write about, thanks for sharing. what is a rock spider and what does that mean? it is an idiom i am unfamiliar with. so, i do not really understand your feeling with respect to your relatives and why they would say that and does it upset you and why? child abuse happened in my family and a lot of my friends. i saw a girl raped who i liked and who was my age when i was just like 8. it was horrible. this stuff goes on way too much in this world. but i think in part some of is coming to grips with chidrens sexuality, they are attractive to some adults also, but i think some (or most) of that is the result of undigested feelings those adults carry with them from when they were children -- maybe very small -- and their sexual feelings were repressed sometimes violently by the world. my example -- as a child i felt sexual feelings and no way to express them (in words) i was treated like i had just shat out of my mouth. a couple of these even made it onto audio or video tape so my memory is very clear. i realized the problem then was with the adults really, they had no way to cope with a child expressing such feelings, but i think a lot of kids might not realize that, then the feeling is supressed, undigested, it festers, and becomes a part of the adult pysche, and escapes as some form of molestation. every adult has in some part a big child within them that is the afterimage of everything they never dealt with inside of them while they were children. so, i am saying, the inner child has not only a light side, but a dark.

I am also glad that you have a some what normal relationship with you dad. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse, and sexually abused my daughter. I had hoped that we could also have a relationship as adults, but it is not to be. I have spent years in theropy, and have tried to make amends, but my daughter does not accept. I don't blame her, I blame me.

Thank you for sharing you story. It must be a difficult thing to think about. It is nice that your dad has changed and you have been able to have a relationship with him.