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Are You Happy Now ??

I am so angry at my husband right now for messing up our lives, destroying the life we had planned for us and our kids, killing our dreams and our hopes, by doing something so stupid and hurtful.
Maybe thing were just going too good and he just had to mess it up :(.....
On Tuesday of this week in front of our 5 year oldĀ  daughter he threatened me with a knife and then proceeded to hit me, throw me, strangle me in front of her. After it was all over I asked him why?? why would you do something like this to me, after all I have sacrificed for our family. WHY??

Now I am stuck in a country where I have no family and no support system. I have no income ( my first job in this country is starting in June) I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. I'm in a town where there is no public transport system, I don't have a car. I am trying to take it one day at a time and hope I don't crash.
Its getting overwhelming now :(.

He was arrested, his family rushed up here to bail him out, I now have an order of protection so he can't come near me, which in a way helps and hurts because I have no one to help me with the kids I can't even use the bathroom by myself, I have to take the two of them with me.

His mother calls me with her sarcasm about how she hopes he goes to jail, because then I would be happy, and I would get everything free from the state, never realized my goal in life was to be a welfare mom. I despise him and his family so much right now. Really do I look like I am happy? I have to listen to my 5 year old tell me "mom I could have taken him out for you"..she told the cps case worker she was mad and sad.

At this moment in time if he was in front of me I would be the one going to jail because I want to hit him over the the head with a 2 by 4 and scream THANK YOU THANK YOU for screwing up my life and the lives of our children.

I HATE YOU SO MUCH NOW

Are you happy now????
morrigan16 morrigan16 31-35 2 Responses Apr 14, 2012

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You are strong you got out!!! So brave. You are getting help and doing the right thing. I know what it's like to be alone. You need to know that you are not alone though. You have so many people who can and will be there. Find peer support. They will help. I am just starting a program and I know most area's would have something like that. It's tough now but think of how much worse it would be if you were still with him. Your strong! Your inspiring. Your moving on. Keep on letting out the pain and reaching. Here for your support.

Love sometimes isn't fair, and if only the ones we fell in love with came with warning signs. I remember being in your position, I didn't think I'd get through the mental abuse, the kids, or should I say my shadows...<br />
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Hang in there....take some time out for yourself. Even its only five minutes a day. Don't forget you matter in this storm...your goal is to survive it. <br />
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Words of warning: My relationship with my ex was so hetic it caused me my health. Sometimes i wished it had caused me my mind instead. But then again..I had/have kids to raise. No way in hell I wanted them around him...