Paralyzed !!!

I was strangled by my live-in boyfriend on Jan. 18, 2012. He strangled me to the point of unconsciousness 2 times in one is my story...
We were leaving a local bar where he played open mic...he is a musician. I remembered leaving the bar ; friends were a few minutes behind us heading to my house. My friends told me that they came in and I was not in the house and a few minutes later came walking in telling my boyfriend to tell our friends what happened...I have no memory of this. My friend then said he went and waited out in my driveway because my boyfriend was getting angry. The next thing he knew only minutes later was my BF leaving and saying he was sick of this ****.
My friends then came back in and said that I was sitting on the floor hysterically crying and very disoriented. I did not know at this time what had happened. I called my BF and asked him why he left and he told me that he did not want to hurt me. I cry myself to sleep...still not remembering what had happened.
I woke up the following morning with what I thought was a dream....the 'dream' was me screaming at my BF to go ahead and finish me off!! I realized my throat was hurting so bad and my entire body aching. When I looked in the mirror, my eyes were swollen and red from broken blood vessels, I had bruises on my throat and my chest and my hand and fingers were swollen & bruised. My cheeks were hurting so badly and swollen and bruised.I knew at this point that I had been strangled and hit. The next day I wore a strapless shirt which abled my friends to see a horrible bruise on my back shoulder....that explained why the metal nob was broken off of my armour!!
My EX boyfriend is an MMA trainer and former fighter and finds pleasure in 'laying people out' is the term he frequently used. I NEVER thought he would hurt me!!
Throughout the next several weeks I began having flashbacks of the assault and between my bruises and flashbacks the officers were able to put the pieces together.
He strangles me while he was driving home .....that is where I was when I walked into the house...I was 'layed out' in the truck!!! First strangulation....2nd time in my living room!!
He told my friend the following day that I passed out drunk in the truck...I had only had 2 glasses of wine!!! Him saying that is actually what made us realize that he choked me twice!! He said he squeezed my face and bent my hand back to get me off of him....that I was attacking him!!
I learned after he was arrested that he has previous charges for assault & battery!! He is now being charged with felony assault and domestic battery! I feel that it should be attempted murder!!!
The following morning I was on my way to the hospital to visit my grandson that was born within the hour that I was being strangled! It was so hard to drive in the condition that I was in already!! I was paranoid and looking in every mirror, that is when I witnessed a car run off the road and hit a tree. I pulled over to help and saw the dead body hanging out of the car! THAT DID IT FOR ME!!! I've been a mess ever since!!!
I was too afraid to stay at my house for over a month!!!
Now...I am suffering with anxiety so bad that I have horrible panic attacks and am afraid to leave my house!! My children are young adults and do not understand why I have reclused myself and give me a very difficult time...they call me selfish and say that I've changed...which intensifies my horrible feelings that I fight every second of every day! I wake up in the middle of a sound sleep having panic attacks!!
I have begun drinking more to ease the pain in my chest and to turn off the thoughts in my head!! I HATE THIS!!! And it hurts that no one understands!! That is why I've posted this very personal tragedy!!
DebbieLynnPerkins DebbieLynnPerkins
41-45, F
2 Responses Apr 20, 2012

Drinking is not the answer! You can't let this event destroy your life. Don't mask the fear with addiction allow yourself to feel it because it's expected when one faces this kind of abuse! This post was a good idea as it allows you to feel and express to others who are here to help and support your recovery! So next time you feel you need a drink for this reason tell another story.

It is as you called it, a personal tragedy. So many of us that have survived domestic violence are scarred for life and suffer from anxiety, I for one can relate. However, you can't turn to alcohol to temporary relieve the pain because you are inflicting pain on others around you that truly care about you such as your children.<br />
I'm sure seeing that accident happen and finding that person in the car like that was something you won't forget, neither will the abuse of your previous husband. For your own sanity and your childrens sake try your best to put the past behind you and don't look back, count your losses, learn from your mistakes, know you're a stronger person from the knowledge you have gained from the experience and move forward with your life. Hold your head up high, be proud of who you are, what you have come through and where you are and put the bottle down, because of right now, it's your greatest enemy. If you still suffer from panic attacks and anxiety, seek professional help such as Therapy and couseling, there's meds for those kind of conditions also but the therapy may help a lot.